In Myself podcast episode about adult children of dysfunctional families, I mention that it’s easy to go to therapy (especially now that most people are offering teletherapy) but hard to decide to go to therapy. I would like to expand this for all the people who are interested in what I talk about in therapy but are too conflicted or anxious to start their own therapy.
If you know that your marriage, your parenting, your job performance, or any other important aspect of your life needs improvement, you really should be in therapy. You know it and I know it. If you think it’s extremely difficult to go to therapy, it’s not. He seems difficult, but that’s just your brain throwing anxiety attacks and trying to trick you into maintaining the status quo. Because? Because people fear change, especially if they grew up in negative, anxious and restricted homes.
I’ll take down all your protests about how difficult therapy is, one by one:
1. It’s too expensive
It may not be. There are university training clinics such as the one at the University of Maryland where I trained. There, she receives therapy from a doctoral student supervised by a licensed therapist. You pay something like $10 per session if that. Find a university training clinic in your area; You can do this by Googling “Clinical Psychology or PsyD PhD Program Near Me.”
If you have insurance, you can visit Psychology Today and find a doctor who accepts your insurance in your area. Even if you say you can’t find someone to click with for your insurance and go to a self-pay practice like my group practice Better Life Behavioral Health, you can get a superbill (a receipt with your diagnosis code and the code for the services you receive) that you can send to your insurance if you have any out-of-network benefits; Call your insurer to ask.
2. It doesn’t fit into my agenda
Teletherapy means you have no drive or prep work. You can do it in your car and many of my clients do it. You can do it at night or early in the morning. There are therapists with all kinds of schedules. I have a teletherapy practice myself and it is amazing and convenient for my therapists and my clients.
3. It will be too tiring
Being too exhausted for the rest of your life’s activities is not a common thing that happens in therapy, or no one would be able to attend. My clients are normal humans with kids, spouses, jobs, friends, and whatever else. They have a session with me and then go back to their lives. I myself was in therapy and did the same thing. Even if you sob all the way through therapy, you can still get back to your life, because that’s just what you have to do, and people are resilient.
4. I won’t like the therapist
You don’t have to be a therapist to realize that if this is your objection, You tend to be negative and cynical. and this is exactly what you should address in therapy. Also, the therapists are very nice. I think I’m one of the least likable actually, because I challenge negative beliefs a lot and I’m not a horrible ogre yet.
If your variation of this is “The therapist won’t be smart enough,” then you’re lucky because you literally gave your therapist his diagnosis – narcissism — and this will speed up the treatment. (I’m joking, sort of, but you also know I’m probably right.)
I’m not saying the work you do in therapy is easy. It is difficult to address all the problems that brought you to it. Some of them have been sensitive topics for years. Sometimes you feel disloyal when sharing things about your past and your family. Sometimes you feel challenged and confronted with information about yourself that you don’t want to hear, even if you know it needs to be addressed.
What I’m saying is that it’s pretty easy to email a provider, fill out forms, schedule a session, and sit down in front of a computer every week or two, potentially creating a significant and lasting change in the only life you have. You deserve to do this and If you have children, they certainly deserve it..
Here is a summary of what therapy is like with me. which can give you an idea of what it’s probably like in general with other therapists, so you can see how non-threatening the process is.
Starting therapy is easy compared to the paperwork you need to send your child to school or camp. It’s easy compared to your job or your kids. And it is certainly much easier than living with anxiety, depression, anger, loneliness, dissatisfaction, unresolved trauma, lack of intimacy, trust issues, self-hatred, bitterness, self-doubt, or whatever else you struggle with. Right now, you can decide to use this post as a springboard to seek the help you need and deserve. And until we meet again, I’m still the blogger who says therapy is easier than unhappiness.
Dr. Samantha Rodman Whiten, also known as Dr. Psych Mom, is a clinical psychologist in private practice and founder of DrPsychMom. She works with adults and couples in her Best Life Behavioral Health practice group.
