Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that can occur when the seasons change, especially in winter when there is less light. Photo / Getty Images
Online Exclusive
What’s it like to live with…? is a fortnightly column in which New Zealanders from all walks of life share their first-hand experiences. In this column, Dr Mia Jüllig talks about what it’s like to live with Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Warning: This
The story mentions suicide.
At the end of summer I always start to panic. My mood always goes up and down, but it is always worse in June and December, when winter and summer approach.
I grew up in Sweden and was always a depressed child who hated winter. Until recently, I had never connected my dislike of winter with my bad mood. I hadn’t realized it could be seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a type of depression that can occur when the seasons change, mainly in winter when there is less light.
When I’m depressed, I can behave very strangely and stay in bed eating chocolate for weeks. It’s really bad, I can’t function and I can’t get out of it.
Last winter, I was getting plenty of sleep, but not restful sleep. I would check the heart rate variability (HRV) readings recorded on my smartwatch from the night before and see that I had been stressed out all night, lying in bed, probably with a movie on in the background. But if I didn’t have the movie on in the background, I couldn’t sleep at all.
Eventually, it got so bad that I had to take a week or two off work. I told my boss, “I can’t do this, I’ll have to catch up later because I can’t function with this intense brain fog.”
It helped me a little to plan out in detail, step by step, the urgent work tasks that I couldn’t avoid. However, I always made mistakes about something.
I watched movies to distract myself from the emotional pain I was feeling, but if I saw something that reminded me of how unproductive I felt, I felt guilty. I just lay there doing nothing, like I was a waste of space.
I tried to keep a journal, but I was overthinking everything and just getting deeper and deeper.
I didn’t want to see anyone.
My two dogs were my salvation. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have left the house. I had to take them out for walks twice a day because they need intense exercise. Sometimes I would take them to the beach and watch them run around while I sat there. I could barely stand up.
I did have suicidal thoughts from time to time, but not to the point of actually doing it, because then I would seek help. I think if I had gone to the doctor and said, “I think I’m depressed,” they probably would have said, “Yeah, you are. Here, take some pills.”
Heart rate variability reveals the sad mystery
As part of an experiment I was doing to measure my body’s response to the supplements I was taking, I was seriously tracking my HRV.
Heart rate variability is a measure of what the nervous system is doing. Heart rate is regulated by the autonomic nervous system, which is divided into two parts: the parasympathetic (rest and digest) system and the sympathetic (fight or flight) system. If heart rate variability is low, it’s an indicator that the sympathetic system may have taken over.
It just so happened that I started this experiment in early May of this year. I was taking some supplements that I thought would fix this other health problem, but my mood started to go down. I got very worried and then depressed. I started thinking about death too much.
That was really scary. Were the supplements causing this? What was going on?
Next, I thought I would overlay my HRV data from last year with this year’s to see if it had gotten worse. What I found was very similar readings. In both years, my HRV dipped in May and stayed very low in June. It slowly rose in July and then in August it was back on track to higher (better) levels. That’s when I knew it wasn’t the supplements that were making me feel bad. It was a seasonal mood swing.
This is the first year I was diagnosed with SAD. I hadn’t even thought about it before. I started reading about it. As a scientist, that’s what I do: “We have a problem, so let’s find as much information as possible.”
I am now making great efforts to eat well and get enough sleep, about eight hours a night, to overcome my bad mood.
Exercise is also a big component to me feeling better. I always tell my students that exercise is the way to manage stress. It pushes tryptophan across the blood-brain barrier into the brain, where it can be converted into serotonin, which will make you happy. If you don’t exercise, tryptophan will help produce melatonin, which will make you fall asleep.
My research also showed me that Sad falls within the depressive and bipolar spectrum, so I asked myself, “What supplements help people get out of depression?”
I now have a battery of things, including vitamin D and omega-3 pills. When I started taking them, my heart rate variability started to go up like some kind of jet plane. It’s crazy, in a good way.
I am beating my HRV stats from last year. I am now back to the levels I had at the beginning of July last year. My annual goal now is to “get out” of the blues before each August, if I can.
Dr Mia Jüllig is the Deputy Director of the Business Biosciences Graduate Programme at the University of Auckland.
Disclaimer: Always consult your physician to discuss any concerns you may have regarding your mood and before beginning a supplement routine.
Where to get help:
If it is an emergency and you feel you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
· I need to talk? Call or text free 1737 anytime to receive support from a trained counselor
· Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
· Life line – 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
· Youth line – 0800 376 633, free text 234 or email [email protected] either online chat
· 0800 What’s up? – 0800 942 8787
· Samaritans – 0800 726 666
· Depression Helpline: 0800 111 757 or text free to 4202 to speak to a trained counselor or visit depression.org.nz
· Anxiety New Zealand – 0800 269 4389 (0800 ANXIETY)
· Health line – 0800 611 116
· Additional links to specialized helplines: https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/helplines/
