A former executive coaching client of mine was crossing the threshold of retirement age after having amassed enormous wealth in real estate. He told me: “If you are healthy and happy, then every day is your birthday. And if you’re not healthy and happy, it doesn’t matter if it’s your birthday.”
It had all the comforts a person could want, but there were a few problems that needed my help. As problems in the family business, they were both financial and emotional in nature, and until we resolved them together, he wasn’t going to be happy, not even entering into the ideal financial retirement plan for a globetrotter.
That’s a cycle we’re all familiar with. Our material world and our emotional life affect each other, sometimes in unexpected ways. A classic example is when we trudge through life negotiating certain expenses and then learn that someone else has gotten a great deal. You can ask questions like “Why them and not me?” “Is there something wrong with me?” “What am I missing?” “I’m never wrong; What did that fool miss?!”
Fagot. Our satisfaction evaporated for no particularly good reason!
a healthy balance
Given the infinite uncertainties as time goes by with life on this planet, none of us can perfectly control our happiness or our finances. What we can do is make solid plans that have enough flexibility that they can absorb the shocks in the system.
We can have a solid process that allows us to respect ourselves and our partners, which is deeply satisfying, healthy for us mentally, and produces solid financial results.
Below are some principles to provide guidance in creating a healthy balance between mental and financial health, and perhaps provide the roadmap to happiness as a journey rather than a destination.
1. ‘Through discipline comes freedom’ – Aristotle
Establish a sensible financial routine and stick to that routine. Some of us want to avoid “doing the math” of our finances at all costs, while others obsess over and calculate the numbers too often. My personal cadence is a weekly review that takes me about 30 minutes on average, with a little extra time preparing for a monthly meeting with my partner. There have also been times earlier in my career when I set up the routine on a monthly basis.
Strike the balance that makes you feel confident that you know where your actual details are compared to your plan. It’s worth noting that in the volatility of 2022, sticking to my rule of only checking my numbers weekly saved me from an unnecessary mental roller coaster ride.
2. Healthy food, healthy mood
The importance of investing money and time in preparing nutritious foods that are truly right for you cannot be underestimated. If “you are what you eat” and you don’t respect what you’re eating, well, we’re in trouble. Come on, eat your vegetables.
Not only do we feel better when we eat well, we also sleep better, forming an upward spiral in our productivity and happiness. To learn more about the kind of immune-supporting nutrition that keeps us away from copays at the doctor’s office and pharmacy, check out this simple guide from Dr. Martha Calihan of Five Stones Wellness.
3. Fitness now saves us money later and gets us ready for action
Like dietary shortcuts, we pay for our stinginess with our fitness later on in our health bills. If you have a morning routine of browsing particular websites and shredding your inboxes, spend that time on yourself by doing it on a treadmill or bike. If you have a daily conversation with your partner or a co-worker, take it for a walk.
fitness practices now save time and financial expenses later. It is preventative medicine that gets your blood moving and improves your mood both biologically and in the pride you take in behaving wisely. The kicker comes in those moments when you can say yes to covering for the grandkids or joining the family on a hike because you’re fit enough to do so.
4. Compare notes
Whether it’s with a budgeting friend or a professional in the financial planner/wealth manager continuum, it’s important to discuss your understanding of numbers with someone other than your partner or spouse. This is for two key reasons: The first is that they will validate what you are doing right. That feels fabulous.
The second is that they will reject anything you are out on. That feels less than fabulous but it gives you a chance to self-correct (or get a second opinion) and take pride in your proper course of action. It’s mentally satisfying to do things the right way, and looking for checks and balances in oneself is a mature act that pays dividends both emotionally and financially.
5. The fun budget
I strongly believe in setting a minimum budget for fun experiences. Most of the time we focus on controlling our expenses, especially in this period of runaway inflation. But there is a key opportunity to invest in things that make you happy, and I’m not talking about another navy top to hang with your other navy tops. I’m talking about dinner with a friend or a game of miniature golf with a grandson. Travel, to broaden your horizons or immerse yourself again in places of nostalgic meaning to you.
Every household needs a different budget, but there needs to be a fun budget that pays dividends in happiness, engagement, and joy. That’s not a “waste” of money, and saving a fun budget feels good when it comes time to spend it on fun.
6. The benefits of benevolence
Whatever the context of your motivation, giving raises your self-esteem. It is an investment in the well-being of other human beings that comes back to you both in a healthier community and in the pride you take in behaving justly. For a deeper look at the nuances of benevolence benefits, here’s a recent piece from Mary McCoy from Moneycrashers.
What makes you really happy?
The way to integrate your mental health and financial health is through a balanced understanding of what truly makes you happy.
Not all of the above principles will resonate with you, but I encourage you to select at least two or three that feel good and are worth exploring through live action.
We are constantly investing our attention, our time and our dollars in one thing or another. An important move is to say no to things we don’t want to spend our precious time and money on. The opportunity is to do it consciously and deliberately so that we can feel vibrant and proud of our process and the things we say yes to. Then our results consistently follow suit, financially and emotionally.
