Rising children is one of the most physical and emotionally demanding jobs in the world, as it is about more than just providing a roof over a child’s head and food in their stomach. You are trying to develop a brave, independent, kind, hard-working, and humane child, but while there are many things we do well when it comes to parenting, there are also some that can do more harm than good.
There is a fine line between wanting the best for your child and unknowingly pushing him in the wrong direction. Parents are often unaware of the mental damage they are inflicting on their children and it is common for them to declare that “everything is for the best” when in fact they are damaging their children’s minds.
In an interview with HT Lifestyle, Dr. Malini Saba, psychologist and president of the ‘Anannke Foundation’, outlined five ways you may be contributing to your child’s poor mental health and how you can prevent it:
1. Make comparisons between your child and others – One of the most emotionally damaging acts of bad parenting is comparing yourself to other children. It is the root cause of numerous mental disorders in children, including inferiority complexes, a strong understanding that they will never be good enough, low confidence, low self-esteem, and a lack of self-love. Parents frequently compare career options, marital status, show of faith, test scores, etc. of their children. Parents need to recognize that each child’s mind and body are different and that comparing their child to others will only cause psychological and emotional problems.
2. Ignoring your child’s emotional needs – Ignoring their child’s emotional needs is a kind of abandonment in which a parent deliberately creates a series of personality flaws that later turn out to be mentally and emotionally damaging to their children. Abandonment and ignorance do not usually include physical absence; A child can also feel unwanted and neglected through minor gestures. When a child is hurt, even by something small, it is essential that parents comfort him, comfort him, hug him if he is not feeling well, celebrate his small victories, defend him and, most importantly, be there for him. children when they need you. If you don’t meet your child’s emotional needs, he will eventually seek other sources of support, which may or may not be better for him in the long run.
3. Using guilt to get his way – Parents may inadvertently send their children on a guilt trip to get them to do something for them in an attempt to induce feelings of remorse or shame. Occasionally they use emotional blackmail to induce guilt. For example, phrases like “go out and have fun, don’t worry about me”, accusing them of “not helping around the house”, “not considering what the parents might need” or “I don’t take care of my health because I’m too busy taking care of their needs. On the surface, it may seem like they are being considerate, but their actions are intended to elicit guilt. When a parent instills guilt in a child, the effects can be catastrophic and long-lasting, including loss of self-confidence, difficulty believing that he can do anything right, and the development of self-doubt and low self-esteem. A healthier way to handle that situation would be for the parent to have a healthy dialogue and explain her wishes or expectations without condemning or blaming her child, which is a better way to approach the situation.
4. Demand for perfection – Children should be taught to reach for the stars, but it should be an option and not a requirement. To become a perfectionist and excel at everything, a child constantly strives and works hard to achieve more and more. This vicious cycle never ends and the child is left with a deep sense of dissatisfaction and failure. As a result, mental health problems such as sadness, stress, and anxiety develop. As a parent, he must recognize that it is acceptable that your child is not always flawless, does not get top grades, does not win awards, and does not thrive in all endeavors.
5. Overprotective – Keeping your child in a safe bubble removes a lot of anxiety, but protecting him from obstacles hampers his development. Consider yourself a guide, not a guardian. He allows his children to experience life, even when it is terrifying to let go. It will give them the opportunity to develop confidence in their ability to handle whatever life throws at them.
Adding her expertise to it, Dr. Malvika Samnani, an expert in Occupational Therapy, Sensory Integration, and Speech Clarity and founder of the Feeding Clinic, discussed five parenting mistakes to avoid:
1. Assuming that children will always agree on everything – Some children are raised by parents who do not allow them to express divergent thoughts or opinions and may accuse them of being stubborn, rebellious, ignorant, or worse if they do. These parents will generally not tolerate any questioning from their children, as even a simple question would imply that the child does not believe what the parent thinks they “should” believe. Religiously toxic parents may refer to their children as “possessed.” Other dysfunctional parents may continue to use equally hurtful labels like “crazy.” This is bad parenting because it prevents the child from thinking independently. When children see themselves in an unfavorable light, they are more likely to keep things bottled up and not say anything in the future, which makes their childhood tense.
2. Comfort comes first – Similar to failure, children need to experience “awkward” situations in order to develop mental toughness. Sure, trying new things will make kids uncomfortable, but it’s the first step in learning that they can discover a new food they enjoy, make new friends, excel at a new sport, etc. be there to support them.
3. Aspire to live your unfulfilled dreams – Your child may have more opportunities and better facilities than you do, but that doesn’t mean you should push him to do what you couldn’t. Every child is unique, and just like you, your child may have different preferences. Therefore, to mold children to love what you love is to deny them the opportunity to pursue their own interests. This can significantly affect your mental health.
4. Not taking care of yourself – As parents age, it becomes easier to maintain excellent practices, such as eating well, exercising regularly, and taking time to rest. Therefore, it is critical to demonstrate self-care practices to your children. In addition, it is essential to demonstrate positive coping techniques to your children. Consider telling your child, “I’ve had a very stressful day at work and I’m going to relax with a cup of tea and a good book,” etc.
5. Obligation to comply with socially established rules and norms – Children often have their own ways of expressing themselves and there are some that are, according to society, ‘different’. Now “different” does not mean “wrong”, but according to the rules and norms that society has created, they are not right. For example, if a boy wants to learn to cook, which according to social norms is a girl’s interest and hobby, she can be selected for it, but that is not ideal. So, as parents, you should never force your child to limit her personality, but help improve it.
Most parents make the parenting mistakes listed above that are often misconstrued as harmless. Sometimes parents and society may not be informed enough about children’s mental health to distinguish between good and bad parenting habits.
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