“], “filter”: { “nextExceptions”: “img, blockquote, div”, “nextContainsExceptions”: “img, blockquote”} }”>
Get full access to Outside Learn, our online education center offering in-depth fitness, nutrition, and adventure courses and over 2,000 instructional videos when you sign up for Outside+
>”,”name”:”in-content-cta”,”type”:”link”}}”>Sign up for Outside+ today.
Depression, addiction, bipolar disorder, PTSD, eating disorders, severe grief. Climbers, like humans, can experience any and all of these things. To honor Mental Health Awareness Month, we’ve removed some of our best stories on these topics, stories about icons whose fame pushed them into isolation, depression, and alcoholism; stories about young shredders whose drive to get stronger led them to eat so little that it had a negative impact not only on their climbing but also on their health; stories about guilt and pain and the spiral of self-loathing and abuse that these emotions can lead to; and stories about the drug and alcohol abuse that has too often plundered the lives of beloved members of our community.
These stories are listed alphabetically by author.
—The Editors
by Ed Douglas
He was the first true icon of sport climbing, famous in 1980s France for his daring exploits and bohemian lifestyle. In 2012, the fight against depression and BOTyou, He died in a tragic accident at the age of 52. What happened?
“There was something wolfish about Patrick Edlinger, who spent his last decade here. A photograph of him by Guy Martin-Ravel, one of the few zenith images of him that old man Edlinger—eyes swollen from cigarettes and booze—allowed on the walls of his house, perfectly captures the idea. His face is narrow and long, framed by a shock of blond hair, his lips slightly pursed. The entire effect lurches dangerously toward parody of an ’80s rock star, except for his eyes. Edlinger’s gaze is fixed in the middle distance: intense, black and hungry.
*
By Nate Draughan
An honest account of a great climber who hit rock bottom
“I woke up when the policemen were pulling me out of the car. I had half a gram of heroin on me, 10 Xanax, a couple of morphines and three needles, enough for at least a year in prison. Not long after the police started rummaging through my backpack, Zach, the manager of my halfway house, showed up. Zach was fit, liked to fish, and had just finished his overnight storage job. I think I called him earlier in the evening to let him know I’d be late, but I don’t remember. Somehow, he found out that he was at Denny’s.
*
by Stephanie Forte
This essay on anorexia and bulimia was written in 1996 by Stephanie Forté, then 29 years old, and published in Climbing outlook section for that year. Forté was perhaps the first American climber to write about it, which took courage, but she points out that she would now write about it differently: “If I wrote that essay today, the ending would not be tied with a bow,” he writes us in an email. “The impact of an eating disorder on my life has been far-reaching and multi-layered.”
“In our little climbing subculture, we have published articles hinting that eating disorders may be a problem in our sport. They are. Having been anorexic and bulimic for 17 years, I feel like I can call myself an expert on the subject. More than half of my life and most of my energy have been devoted to this disease. We are so intertwined with each other that sometimes I don’t know where I end and begin. It has been my security blanket, a source of power and my worst enemy, and it could lead me to an early grave.”
*
by John Long
Climbing has long celebrated excessive alcohol and drug use. Many climbers become alcoholics and addicts for life and their families, friends and fellow climbers pay the heavy price. One of the most iconic figures in climbing fell into the pit, but got out and now has an important lesson that every climber should read.
“My journey to escape hell is nothing special or unique. There is an understanding in recovery rooms (particularly AA, my path of choice) that we are basically all telling the same story, but those of us with a genius for denial, dishonesty, and self-delusion have to hear it over and over again. to listen. absolutely. So we have to keep listening to it to stay on track. ‘Eternal vigilance.’ ”
*
By Steve Markusen
50 years ago, Steve Markusen’s father died when a rappelling anchor failed and he fatally fell 50 feet in front of his two sons.
“This is a story about that day and the aftermath: denial, loss, depression; alcohol and drug abuse. Looking back, I see a pattern of self-destruction, perhaps attempts to sabotage my life. Writing about it all these years later is about redemption and healing.”
*
By Delaney Miller and Mimi Nissan
Two leading competition climbers of their generation reflect on how disordered eating influenced their climbing.
“Despite being skinny as lightning, I couldn’t go a single day without counting calories, thinking about how fat I was and all the things I could be if I could be anyone else. Despite all the training, the trainers, the nutritionists, the therapists and the doctors, I still hadn’t been able to stare into the crystal ball and see my escape, because that would be admitting I needed it.”
*
By Alison Osio
Earl Wiggins was a noted solo and free climber in the 1970s and 1980s. (He did the Supercrack/Luxury Liner FA on Indian Creek…placing hexes.) But in the early 2000s, he took his own life.
“Wiggins died in December 15 years ago, by his own hand in Lake Oswego, Oregon. Much is unknown about the ups and downs he experienced, the losses and disappointments he endured, and the nature of a caring, inquisitive, and troubled person who found his true self, in what must have seemed like a miraculous way, on the climb.
Green was, he says, “shocked” by his friend’s death.
‘I just couldn’t believe it. But you never know what is going on in people’s lives. Jimmie and I talked about it for years: Why didn’t he call us? Why didn’t he call his friends? … We were all willing to help, to do whatever it took.
We still don’t know why he did it. “
*
By Steve Potter
This profile and interview of photographer and climber Cory Richards, the only American to date to summit an 8,000-meter peak in winter, discusses Richards’s battles with PTSD, bipolar disorder, and addiction:and why climbing is no longer a healthy part of his life.
“On the one hand, what she experienced was a mental health emergency: a nightmarish reboot of old traumas coupled with untreated bipolar disorder. On the other hand, Dhaulagiri saw Richards finally acknowledge that his almost Faustian relationship with climbing, a sport that has brought him wealth, fame and external validation, was no longer tenable…and he may never have been. “.
*
By Gabrielle Tourteloutte
In its bid to become a top competitor, Tourtelloutte adopted a “reduce to ship” mentality…there were long-term consequences.
“’Gabbs, you look a little yellow.’
I rolled my eyes, ‘No, I don’t.
My dad chimed in from the other room, agreeing with my then-boyfriend, Mike, ‘No, he’s right, you are yellow.’
But where? I had asked myself. Later that night I looked in the mirror and there it was, in my eyes and skin. I was surprised that I lost it. Shortly after, however, I received a call from my doctor. According to my last round of blood tests, I had liver failure, which explained the yellowing of my skin and eyes. I hung up and didn’t think much of it. A few weeks later, I competed in my last Sport and Speed Junior Divisionals with a fractured right ring finger and a partial tear in the A4 pulley tendon. Three days after that, I was hospitalized for anorexia.”
*
By Caroline Treadway
Have you ever been on a Kilter Board? Even if you haven’t, you’ve almost definitely climbed into Ian Powell’s cellars. He was one of the most influential modelers in the industry; then he went to prison. 11 years free, since then he has changed the industry again as one of the founders of Kilter.
“Ian Powell hit rock bottom three years ago on Thanksgiving in a dumpster near Denver. Huddled under a layer of rubbish, he was cold, dizzy, and hadn’t eaten for days. He had no friends who weren’t drug addicts or criminals. He couldn’t remember the last time he had climbed, but it had been two or three years. Most importantly, he was not producing art. He needed to make art. Rummaging through the dumpster, he found paper and pens and drew until his hands were numb.”
*
By Caroline Wickes
Eating disorders, dangerous diets and poor body image are rampant in the climbing community. We’re all playing a game with gravity, but what happens when we push our bodies and minds into unhealthy territory, and how do we stop it?
“I am intimately familiar with anorexia and bulimia. My battle with an eating disorder has led me to periods of starvation, bingeing, purging, and endless self-abuse through diet and exercise. After two stints in inpatient treatment centers, lots of therapy, and more slips than I care to mention, two years ago, at age 22, I finally achieved what I will tentatively call a healthy relationship with food.”
