The question for parents will be deciding when and how to use the option.
Mental health days are a response to the mental health crisis among children, said Jill Cook, executive director of the American Association of School Counselors. “Even before the pandemic, we knew anxiety was on the rise,” he said. “And we also know that the pandemic exacerbated some of that for a lot of students.”
“The trick,” Cook added, “will be determining if it’s really a need to rest and recharge versus avoiding school or avoiding tests or something else that might be more meaningful where a mental health day isn’t the solution. .”
Mary Alvord, a clinical psychologist in Rockville, Md., agrees that mental health days could trigger school avoidance. “Life is full of discomfort and uncertainty, and we must learn to deal with it,” said Alvord, founder of Resilience across borders, a nonprofit group aimed at helping youth build resilience. She recommends that mental health days be devoted to that learning, rather than withdrawing from whatever is troubling the child.
“If you have a sick child who complains that their ear hurts, you’re not going to say, ‘Okay, stay home.’ You’re going to say, ‘We have to go to the pediatrician,’ Alvord said. Likewise, a mental health day shouldn’t be “a day to just stay in his room and play video games. There has to be a plan of action,” such as talking to a counselor or therapist, working on calming strategies, or challenging negative thinking with other scenarios that are more likely to happen.
How should parents decide?
Unfortunately, there is no thermometer that will tell you when a child is too stressed or anxious to go to school. Alvord said it’s about “watching them closely and listening to what they say and talking to them as much as they’re willing.” Ask questions like, “What makes you think or feel that taking a day off would be helpful?” or “Is there something urgent?”
Cook said parents will have to do a little detective work to see if the child is facing a test or hasn’t finished a project. “It’s really important that the parents and the young person are able to talk to each other and have these open and honest conversations when possible. And for parents to help students understand if this is an avoidance tactic, they may not be doing themselves a favor by taking that day.”
Nekeshia Hammond, a clinical psychologist in Brandon, Fla., said she believes that, in middle and high school, “a lot of kids might say, ‘You know what, I need a break.’ And I think we should really respect that.” She is aware that some children will try to take advantage of mental health days, but she pointed out that there have always been children who try to game the system.
“The biggest thing we need to think about is making sure kids learn to take care of themselves,” Hammond said.
“Our state of mind is directly related to how we do in school. So we don’t want to send a really distressed or depressed kid if they can’t handle it,” Alvord said. “But you have to do something. You have to be proactive.”
Once you have an idea of what a child or teen is worried about, work together on a coping plan. If a child is upset about a social interaction at school, the plan may be to go see the school counselor together. If they were so anxious that they couldn’t sleep the night before, consider letting them sleep for a few hours before taking them in late; mental health days don’t have to last all day, Alvord noted.
During a mental health day, Hammond said, “It’s very important to engage in relaxing activities, whatever that may be” for your son. Teaching them about mindfulness can be helpful, as can helping them process some upsetting experiences.
Parents can also introduce their children to mental health apps to help them regulate their emotions. Some suggestions are three good things, smiling mindY breathe2relax.
Finally, parents need to be aware that they may need to help their child “transition from this mental health day back to the academic setting,” Hammond said. For example, if a child has anxiety, a parent can work with the child on positive visualizations of being back in school. Or, Alvord said, a parent can take them to school and do some relaxation and reframing exercises with them in the parking lot.
A new approach to mental health
One of the benefits of the concept of mental health days is that it gets parents, teachers, and children to talk openly about it.
“It’s a really important statement for states to say, ‘Hey, we care about your mental health,'” said Hammond, who hopes all states will eventually pass similar laws. “Because in my experience, some schools are so focused on academics that they have completely forgotten that we need kids to have positive mental health to work and perform academically.”
She praises the current lack of emphasis on perfect attendance. “Missing a day or two of school is not necessarily going to have this terrible academic impact when the goal is to make sure this child is emotionally safe and healthy.”
Parents should also model emotionally healthy behavior for their children, Hammond said. “It’s okay to show your kids ‘I got really stressed out, but here’s what I’m doing about it. I am trying to take care of myself. ”
In some cases, parents may share why they themselves are taking a mental health day. For example, after losing a loved one, a parent might say that instead of going to work, “they needed a day to grieve and be quiet and celebrate this person,” Alvord said. The important thing, she added, is to communicate that something is being done about it and not just go to bed.
The concept of mental health days is “a really positive thing for kids to learn so early,” Hammond said. “This is a skill that children need, not only in their childhood, obviously, but also in their adulthood. We are giving them the gift of teaching them to take care of themselves.”
In fact, Hammond said he thinks parents should consider mental health days as an option, even if they don’t live in a state that has passed legislation allowing them. “I’m a big advocate of doing what works for your child at the end of the day.”
