Some thoughts on basically saying when and finding the point where walking away is better than staying with a bad situation.
Hello and a very warm welcome to the place on our site where we chat about mental health, wellness and things that may be affecting us or the people around us. We are well aware that not every article in this series will be useful to everyone, but we hope that there is something in the entire archive that you may find useful.
This week, a little talk about walking away from things. From someone who has done that, and sees what a double-edged sword that can be.
I think there’s a point in any situation, in a variety of contexts, where there’s nothing more you can realistically do. Whether it’s your fault or someone else’s, all you’re doing by staying in any situation is harm. Harm to yourself, harm to others, and ultimately you’re out of positives.
It’s hard to gauge what that point is, but most of us tend to at least know when we’ve passed it. And it’s taken me a long time to get to this stage, but, appreciating, as always, that this is the sort of thing that’s easier to write than enact, I’m a little better at saying ‘when’ now.
I also learned the hard way that it’s crucial for mental health to find a way to do this.
However, I also know that it comes at a price. I am someone who left a job with no job to go to after all, which I really couldn’t afford. On the other hand, the way people were treated at the time, I couldn’t afford to stay either. A little bit of me regrets that I made the decision a little late, but it was a difficult situation, with, I must be clear, a lot of brilliant people giving their best despite all kinds of things that were going on.
However, it was making me miserable and it was doing me a lot of damage. It still makes me feel miserable. By walking away, I paid a heavy price, but I kept my head straight. I gained more than I lost, but only just.
That’s why this one is hard. Walking away is often the hardest thing to do, but also the most important. I’ve read many articles about how it strengthens, and to some extent I’m sure it is. I never felt that though. He just needed to get his head back and find flashes of light again. It felt like a long time had passed.
What I didn’t expect is to have done it once, there is the constant worry that I might do it again. Once again, I don’t want to do it, but it was an unexpected blow.
I think that as always the best thing, the ideal, is to have someone to talk to. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a colleague, or a service like the brilliant samaritans (who are just as happy to talk to you at the beginning of your bondage as they are at the end), it’s really important to find a way to externalize what you’re feeling. Again, it’s not always possible, but even writing things down can help. And come to a realistic decision for you as quickly as possible.
Of course, by the time you get to this point, I imagine a lot of damage has already been done. But still, everyone has a ‘when’ point and I think it’s important to recognize that. To find a way out if you can, and then take care of yourself as best you can after you’ve taken it.
All ideals, granted. But start the conversation if you can, even if it’s a quick chat in our comments. Sometimes you really have to go back a bit to find light and happiness again.
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