Meghan Trainor Opens Up About Her Panic Disorder: “It Felt Like Something Was Taking Over My Body”

The leaves rustle underfoot and the birds sing softly for a few seconds before they hear by Meghan Trainor voice: “I love walking outside. One of the best exercises you can do for your mental health is walking…” she says. “After I had My baby, Riley, would take 45-minute walks at 5 am with him and my husband. Even before the sun came up, we were looking at the big trees, listening to the beautiful birds and watching our baby sleep.”

The Grammy Award-winning singer speaks to us from a new episode of Apple Fitness+ “Time to Walk” series, an audio experience that you can tune in from an iPhone or Apple Watch, which aims to inspire people to take a walk more often. The episodes feature various “interesting and influential people” who share stories, photos, and music as they walk.

Trainor’s episode, released today, offers an intimate look at the “Made You Look” singer’s rise to fame, her journey with mental health, and “how motherhood helped her find her true joy.” She shares that morning walks have become a ritual for her small family, starting with putting away the phones and reconnecting before starting their busy days. “My husband and I call it ‘therapy time,'” she says. Between her demanding touring schedule and family time, prioritizing her wellness and mental health has become more important than ever, something she learned to do in 2017 when she had her first panic attack.

After his single “All About That Bass” led to three grammy award nominations and one win (Best New Artist in 2016), Trainor says things got a bit “chaotic.” Her tours in her twenties left her exhausted from traveling, getting sick constantly, and feeling isolated from her family. Her breaking point was when she needed voice surgery in 2017. Shortly after her recovery, her assistant was listing everything she had to do that week, and Ella Trainor suddenly couldn’t breathe. “I was like, ‘This is it, I’m going to die like this,’ and my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time, was with me calming down.”

Trainor says she was an anxious child her whole life, but this was different: “I felt like something was taking over my body.” she was a panic attack.

“I had migraines, my head was on fire, my back was on fire,” he continues. “I went to all the doctors, acupuncturistand finally I went to a psychologist. I told him, ‘I’m not depressed, I’m very happy, I have the love of my life, my career is great, my family is healthy. Nothing’s wrong.'” He diagnosed her panic disorder, a condition where his fight or flight responses came and went all day without much control. “When a doctor tells you something is wrong with your brain, it’s the scariest thing ever, so I took antidepressants and it saved my life.”

When she became pregnant with Riley, Trainor was able to find a doctor who recognized her mental health as part of pregnancy in general, a doctor who believes that “a happy mother is a happy baby.” And Trainor is certainly happy, sharing that motherhood is “the greatest thing in the world” and that she finally feels “like my best, happiest self.” Now he wants to repay that happiness and let others know how “antidepressants saved [her] life.” After seeing Carson Daly opens up about his panic attacks On “The Today Show,” Trainor has spoken more about his experience. “If you’re out there and you’re like me, just begging for help, lost and scared, there is hope, I promise. As long as you find someone and tell someone.”