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When someone asks you how you’re doing with genuine concern, you may not know how to articulate how you’re feeling lately. And it can be so hard to find the words because you don’t really feel anything, or more specifically, you feel like your life has become stagnant and directionless. In other words, you could be “languishing”.
Languor can also be described as a “blunting of our emotions,” says Dr Dion Metzger., a psychiatrist practicing in Atlanta. “It’s not sadness, but a lack of joy,” he says. “It’s a neutral feeling of emptiness.”
Even if you’re not familiar with the term, you may be familiar with the sentiment, and you’re not alone. In fact, a 2021 survey on mental health found that about 20 percent of Americans languish, and this state of “blah” was found to be more common in millennials. So what exactly is languishing, how does it manifest itself, and how does it differ from, say, depression? We asked mental health experts for key signs and helpful coping strategies for anyone languishing.
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What is languishing?
American sociologist and psychologist Corey Keyes, Ph.D. he was the first to use the term languish as a way of describing a person’s mental well-being. Much of his research has approached Mental health as a continuum., with the idea that the absence of mental illness does not automatically translate into the presence of mental health. More specifically, at one end of the spectrum, Keyes would describe someone mentally healthy as “thriving,” while someone lacking in mental health would be “languishing.” In its 2002 seminal paper on the mental health continuumKeyes points out that people who languish face a risk of a major depressive episode that is twice as high as for moderately mentally healthy people, and almost six times as high as for affluent people.
“Languishing can feel like a gray cloud of ‘blah’ has settled over you,” he says. Carla Marie Manly, Ph.D.clinical psychologist in Sonoma County, California, and author of joy of fear. And while languishing is often associated with depression, he explains that “it’s often seen as a more temporary response to ongoing stress, unfavorable experiences and frustration.”
languish vs. To flourish
In his work on the mental health continuum, Keyes indicated that, generally speaking, positive feelings and functioning in life indicate flourishing mental health. Languish exists on the opposite end of the spectrum and refers to lower levels of positive feelings and lower functioning in life. As Dr. Metzger says, “there is no joy in languishing,” whereas a person who is “reaching [their] full potential of capturing the joy of life” is flourishing.
“Languishing implies a general ‘regression’ of life and implies a decrease in positive moods,” explains Manly. “Flowering, on the other hand, involves engaging with life in a positive and healthy way, as well as enjoying positive moods. That said, thriving mental health doesn’t mean you’re happy all the time or that your life is ‘perfect.’ ; flourishing involves facing the ups and downs of life with hope and resilience.”
The signs of languishing
Some of the most common markers of listlessness are low motivation, difficulty concentrating, and lack of energy, according to Dr. Metzger. It can also affect a person’s appetite and sleep. “Some experience reduced appetite, while others tend to overeat to calm down,” adds Manly. “Similarly, some experience poor or interrupted sleep, while others have hypersomnia (sleeping more than usual).”
As Manly points out, languishing encompasses a wide range of experiences, including dysphoric moods and an ongoing sense of boredom, both of which often result in little or no interest in social interaction with others. Additional signs of listlessness include poor concentration, lack of purpose, disinterest in normally pleasurable activities, and an inability to participate in the necessary tasks of daily living, or feeling “sad,” it adds.
The key difference between languishing and depression
Because there is some overlap in symptoms, it can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference between listlessness and depression, but there are indeed some clear distinctions. Dr. Metzger likes to use a thermometer analogy. “Languish is when we are at zero degrees, neutral, not negative or positive. Depression is when the temperature rises to negative numbers. These negatives include feelings of hopelessness. Languish is a feeling of nothingness, and depression is a feeling of sadness. ,” she explains.
And while languishing can imply or develop into clinical depression, not everyone who languishes meets the criteria for depression, and vice versa. Clinical depression is a disorder described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), while listlessness is not. “In general mental health terms, depression would be seen as a clinical diagnosis, while languishing might be seen more as a lack of development,” says Manly.
A lot of people are languishing right now
If it sounds like you’ve been hearing a lot about languishing lately, specifically over the last two years, it’s not your imagination. “The combination of social isolation, grief, and fear from the pandemic has brought languishing back into the spotlight,” explains Dr. Metzger. “It’s how many people are responding to the uncertainty and emotional roller coaster of the last 22 months.”
Along the same lines, Manly points out that languishing can result when ongoing stressors create deep exhaustion and mental exhaustion. “Far from being abnormal or ‘lazy,’ those who experience languishing behavior during the pandemic actually display natural responses to the highly stressful, exhausting, and debilitating nature of the pandemic,” she says.
How to overcome a period of languor
Take small practical steps each day.
Create a list of the highest priorities: the most important needs—and focus on achieving just two or three of them per day. “This could be as simple as walking 15 minutes every day to start an exercise routine, or something more complicated, like writing a new resume or tackling cleaning one room at a time,” says Manly.
Reward yourself for every positive step forward.
As you complete the small tasks on your list, Manly suggests offering yourself a feel-good reward, like watching 30 minutes of your favorite show in exchange for every 30 minutes of cleaning, hard work, or another accomplishment. “This type of reward system supports the positive, flourishing mindset that is so essential to freeing yourself from languishing energy,” she says.
Seek positive and affirming help.
Find a support group or mental health provider. “Avoid the temptation to hide your struggles and challenges,” says Manly. “We all need support when life gets tough.”
Identify and incorporate joy into your life.
During periods when you feel empty or empty, Dr. Metzger suggests consciously identifying what brings you joy and then making an effort to incorporate it into your life on a regular basis. “Be very intentional about finding joy,” he advises. “Write down what brings you joy and incorporate it into your weekly routine. It is the only way to undo languor by counteracting it with positive emotions.”
Connect with people you trust and love.
You may not see spending time with many other people (or certain people) as bringing you true joy, but there’s no question that interacting with people in your life who bring you comfort or make you feel relaxed and at ease can help. “Connect with others to enjoy the bright little moments in life, like a movie, a cup of coffee, or a baking project,” says Manly. “Laughter and friendship can be very good antidotes.”
Acknowledge and validate your own experience.
Lastly, if you recognize that you are languishing, and maybe you have been for quite some time, be kind to yourself and realize that we have all been through a lot. “If you’re hurting, don’t blame yourself or hope that you’ll magically come out of languishing,” says Manly. “The pandemic has taken a toll on our bodies, minds and spirits, and it’s natural to feel pretty down after everything that’s happened.” Acknowledging how you feel (or how you don’t feel) doesn’t indicate that you’ve given up; awareness is actually a great first step to making positive progress.
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