When I was in high school, I woke up one morning feeling overwhelmed. I was an honor student, I participated in various activities and clubs, and for some reason I didn’t feel fully prepared for the day. I don’t remember if I had an exam or a presentation or if it was just a normal school day that I couldn’t face; I just remember feeling like I hit a wall and couldn’t get my mental gears to turn properly. .
I usually walked a mile and a half to school, but I was running late, so my dad offered to give me a ride. In the car, I tried to keep my composure, but halfway to school, the tears began to fall. My dad looked at me and asked if I was okay.
“I don’t know,” I sobbed. “I feel like… I just… need a day.”
I knew he wasn’t sick. He could have told me to hold on. He could have given me a pep talk. He could have forced me to go. But he didn’t do any of those things.
Without hesitation, and with a simple “OK”, he turned the car around and drove me home.
I have no recollection of what I did the rest of that day. Three decades later, the only thing that stands out is the basic but profound lesson my father instilled in me the moment he turned the wheel: ThatIt’s totally fine for you to take care of yourself.
We talked about it briefly on the way home. As it turned out, he was also taking a mental health day My dad was a social worker, and as an adult, I can totally understand why he sometimes needed to take a random day off. But it didn’t really matter what he did for a living. Most of us need an occasional mental health day – adults, teens, and children alike.
Some schools have begun to incorporate this understanding into their attendance policies. Utah passed a bill in 2018 that allows a mental health day to count as an excused absence from school. Oregon enacted a similar law in 2019, and Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Illinois, Maine, Nevada and Virginia have followed your example.
“Mental health days aren’t just good for the practicality of giving young people a break,” said psychologist Caroline Clauss-Ehlers, Ph.D. health line“But they also validate that the community and society are saying, ‘We understand and we’re supporting you in this way.'”
Occupational therapist Shelli Dry agrees, telling Healthline that embracing mental health days can help remove the stigma that often accompanies mental illness.
“That schools recognize that sometimes it’s better to take a mental health day than to move on when you can’t seem to cope, it’s a tremendous support for students to feel understood and accepted, and [this, in turn, encourages] students to understand and accept each other more,” he said.
Sometimes we forget how difficult it is to be a child. In some ways, I think it’s much harder than being an adult. Considering the fact that 1 in 6 children between the ages of 6 and 17 experience a mental health disorder each year, we must recognize that many children have days when they are struggling. But even kids who aren’t dealing with mental illness sometimes need a day off. Modern life is busy and complex, no matter our age. Managing it all on a daily basis, and then managing whatever else life throws at us, is a lot.
Part of good parenting is teaching children to persevere through challenges, but fostering perseverance must be balanced with insight and wisdom. Sometimes children may cry wolf, but it’s important for parents to understand that children may be dealing with more than we know. Sometimes it is necessary to encourage children to go deeper into resilience. Sometimes children have been resistant for a long time and need a little time and space to to be.
My dad knew me. He understood that I wasn’t just being lazy or trying to avoid doing something difficult. He trusted me to know what he needed, which in turn taught me to listen to my inner alarm and trust myself. As a result, I have spent my adult life with a good sense of when to move on and when to pause and restart, a gift for which I am immensely grateful.
All that said, this advice comes with a caveat. As a parent of children learning to manage anxiety, mental health days can be a mixed bag. There’s a difference between taking a mental health day because you really need it, which happens, and taking a mental health day to avoid facing fears, which also happens. Avoidance feels good in the moment, but fuels long-term anxiety, so parents and children need to be aware of how the idea can be misused and inadvertently make certain mental health issues worse.
The bottom line, though, is that kids need breaks sometimes. And when you allow them to take an occasional day here and there to breathe, take care of themselves, reconnect with themselves, and reset their mental and emotional barometer, you teach them that their well-being matters. You teach them that it’s okay to recognize when they’ve reached a limit and pause to regain strength.
It’s okay to turn the car around when you know you need to. That is a lesson that we must all learn, and one that we must support with job and school policies in addition to internalizing individually. We are making great strides towards that goal, and the sooner we are all on the same page, the better for everyone’s well-being.
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