‘Got a lump in my throat’ – South Africa Test centurion Sarel Erwee opens up on mental health battles

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“As a man, it’s frowned upon to show mental weakness or a bit of softness,” he says after a “very special” hit in Christchurch.

sarel erwee I was going to resign. It was the summer of 2019, he had been playing cricket for a decade, it was approaching his 30th birthday and he thought his dreams of being an international cricketer were over. He had reason to. Erwee had gone nearly two years and 30 innings without a first-class century and averaged 28.63. Even before that, his 75-match average was around 35. He had had enough.
“I was one phone call away from quitting,” he said after becoming South African president. most recent trial centurion in Christchurch.

But then came an intervention. “I had great support, when I sat down with my family, with my parents and they picked me up. I saw a sports psychologist and we worked on it every day. It was a difficult job trying to motivate myself again, to give my best after wanting to give up.” said. “All the years of hard work felt meaningless and worthless at one stage.”

Until they didn’t and the sessions Erwee went to worked.

He then scored two hundred in two games in early 2020 and doubled his average to 54.80 in the last two years. He was selected for the South African team to play Sri Lanka at home, then to tour Pakistan, the West Indies and against India at home, and despite Aiden MarkramWaning form, didn’t get a game. It was only when Keegan Petersen contracted Covid-19 and was forced out of the visit to New Zealand and Markram was granted the concession to move to one-drop, which Erwee had his chance and two Tests, he has made the most of.

“As a man, it’s kind of frowned upon to show mental weakness or a little bit of softness. There’s still a lot of work to do. I’m in that process every day, every week, every month, where I try to get better.” my mental well-being”.

He is the first South African starter to score a century in one year, since Markram in Pakistan. He shared the highest opening tier. in 18 innings and helped the team score more runs in one day than in the entire first exam. His was an inning defined by perceptive license (Erwee didn’t play in a third of the installments thrown at him) and timely momentum, and it was an inning that played out in front of his sister, Chantelle, who hasn’t played. she had seen him for four years.

Erwee “gathered a lump in his throat” and wiped a tear from his eyes when asked what it was like to score a century alongside the batsman he is likely to replace at mid-term, Markram, and with a member of his family in the audience.

“It was extremely special. They (dean elgar and Markram) are two good guys. They have taken me under his wing and helped me through this journey. It was wonderful to be there with them and wonderful to celebrate and get that hundred in front of my family. My sister lives here in New Zealand,” she said, her voice cracking. “Sorry, I have a lump in my throat here. She’s been through a tough time here, so it’s good for her to have something to smile about.”

Honest emotion, heightened by the global pandemic that has kept people away for the past 24 months, remains rare in professional sports, especially among men. But Erwee has spent too much time and worked too hard to hide his feelings from her. In the same week that a well-known South African rapper, Riky Rick, committed suicide, Erwee put mental health front and center in the conversation and called for more attention to be paid to it.

“It’s a big deal and I don’t think we focus enough on South Africa, not just cricket but all sports,” Erwee said. “And in life in general. As a man, it’s frowned upon to show mental weakness or a bit of softness. There’s still a lot of work to be done. I’m in that process every day, every week, every month, where I’m trying to improve my mental well-being. It’s a big part of my life and probably will be for a long time.”

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For someone in his second Test match, having just turned a century, demonstrating the composure to discuss such a serious topic spoke volumes about Erwee’s maturity, both as a person and as a player, and provides a reminder that Erwee is not a sensation overnight. He is 32 years old and has spent years in the domestic game, often overlooked and underestimated, and said it is a satisfying training ground for the biggest stage.

“You have to get on with domestic cricket. You have to prepare. Whether it’s your first year or your sixth year, you have to prepare for international cricket if that’s what you want to do,” he said. “You have to be up front and show up every day and make sure you get better. I’m very lucky that I’ve had a year to establish myself in the team and find my preparation as far as preparation, and figure out what it takes to make it half decent or to make it.” well at this level. That’s just help from teammates. Preparation and up front are key.”

Elgar also used the words “up front” when explaining his decision to bat first, the only captain in 11 Tests to make that decision. On a course with less bounce than the first Test and strong winds making things difficult for the bowlers, his top three so far have proved him right, but for Erwee, it’s not so much the conditions as the mindset that drove the South African performance. “We’re here to win a test match. We want to be one and leave the shores here. You have to be up front and that’s what we did today. We have a goal in mind. Whether that means you have to bat first on a greenish wicket or on a wicket that does something, so be it. That’s the nature of this game.”

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Firdose Moonda is a correspondent for ESPNcricinfo in South Africa.

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