“I had a client say to me, ‘You know, I’m a little numb to this,’” said Steve Alexander Jr., a licensed mental health counselor in Brooklyn. “He said, ‘I don’t know if it’s a bad thing or a good thing.’ ”
Michelle Slater, a licensed mental health counselor in private practice in Jacksonville, Florida, said that in recent years, her clients have been expressing a sense of helplessness and helplessness.
“It’s just one more thing for them to feel like this system isn’t working, that now we’re not safe in our grocery stores or in our churches,” he said. “Then, on the other hand, I see a lot of disconnect. How many shootings can we cry in a week? People are too tired to care.”
The scourge of gun violence is likely to be a topic of conversation at many a holiday table this Thanksgiving. The recent incidents began with the Shot dead three footballers at the University of Virginia, allegedly by a fellow student. then a gunslinger opened fire at Club Q, a gay nightclub in Colorado Springs, killing five. More recently, police say a Walmart employee he opened fire on his co-workers, killing six and wounding six more.
While some dinner guests may feel that gun violence is the wrong thing to discuss at a celebratory meal, talking about tragedies with family and friends is a good coping strategy, Johnson said.
“I don’t care if it’s a holiday or if it’s a downer in the mood,” he said. “People need to share that they miss their loved one or that they are angry with the state of the world. The only thing we can do is validate the experience that people are having right now. It is real fear and real pain that must be witnessed, seen and shared.”
At the same time, if the conversation feels overwhelming, it’s okay to walk away, too, said Arron Muller, a licensed clinical social worker in Valley Stream, NY “If you need to step away for a minute and go to another room, feel encouraged to do so.” said.
One reason recent violent events are having a powerful impact on many people’s mental health is that they occurred in spaces where people generally feel safe, said Pooja Sharma, a clinical psychologist in Berkeley, California.
The shootings occurred at “a club where people go to connect and go out at night, and a store where people go to work and shop before the holidays,” Sharma said. “When our safe place becomes the place of trauma, we as a society cannot trust these places to provide safety, resulting in unpredictable distress and confusion.”
Therapists point out that violent events can be traumatic even for those not directly affected by them, particularly people who have experienced trauma in the past. And many people have not had time to process recent events and may start to do so during the holidays.
Elizabeth Rieger, a licensed social worker in Beavercreek, Ohio, said one of her LGBTQ clients is dealing with trauma after the Club Q shooting.
“She is struggling with the fact that she was very marginalized in her own family for being LGBTQ+ and was never allowed to live her true authentic life,” Rieger said. “Hearing what happened at Club Q feels even more traumatic for her because of her life experience.”
African-American therapists say they have had unfortunate experience counseling people of color who often don’t feel safe in their communities or public spaces due to police brutality, racism and workplace microaggressions.
Muller, who specializes in the mental health and well-being of black men, said the combined trauma disproportionately affects people of color, not only during national tragedies, but also in daily life. “There’s always this hyper-vigilance, this hyper-awareness where you might not be as present, or just have this nagging heaviness,” she said.
Lakeasha Sullivan, a clinical psychologist in private practice in Atlanta, said it’s important for people to feel emotions like despair.
“On the other side of despair is justified anger and rage at the situation. These are the emotions that we shouldn’t turn off because we can use them constructively,” he said. “Using anger in this way helps us continue to drive change and helps us set limits on how we allow ourselves and others to be treated. And that is the most powerful way to deal with situations of this magnitude.”
The key, experts say, is not to let those emotions become destructive.
“Allow yourself to feel, but don’t allow yourself to live there. Develop an action plan to manage these emotions,” Muller said.
Several experts said it’s a good idea to take breaks from social media and the news during traumatic events. Muller said that distractions like going to a museum or reading a book can help. Sharma suggested exercising, cooking, gardening and listening to music. Prayer, for those who are religious, as well as meditation and seeking support from those close to you can help.
“If you’re thinking about something that’s going on in the world and you can’t get that thought out of your head, try to redirect yourself,” Rieger said. “Take a walk. Reach out to people. Pick a book that will help redirect you or watch a TV series that will redirect your mind so you don’t think about what you heard on the news this morning.”
A common emotion after tragic events is a feeling of helplessness, experts say. Focusing on things where you have some control can help. Planning for emergencies, knowing where to find emergency exits, thinking about how you could protect yourself in unsafe situations are all ways to deal with feelings of helplessness, Johnson said.
“Creating some sense of control over a situation, knowing where the exits are, that gives some sense of control,” he said.
Another way to feel in control is to focus your energy on volunteering and helping your community, Slater said.
“The antidote is altruism,” he said. “Maybe we can’t stop gun violence across the country, but what can we do in our community to empower people, to give back, to be a part of something that feels good?”
