Canberra composer’s album for mental health support | Canberra Weekly

Canberra-based songwriter Matthew J Webster has struggled with mental health for most of his life, spending time in and out of hospital throughout his adult life before a controversial therapy helped him better manage his illness.

Now in his 30s, Webster is making an album about his struggles in hopes of helping others who may be going through something similar. Half of the proceeds will go directly to mental health charities.

Webster discovered his love of songwriting when he went to see a movie with a friend. She laughs and says it’s the dumbest story she’s ever figured out to discover a love for orchestral composition as he watches the Da Vinci Codedating and wanting to write music for film.

“The music is really good, and I stand by it. I don’t think I actually saw the movie at all; I was sitting there listening to the music the whole time,” he smiled.

He wasted no time downloading free composition software and started creating music.

The album Webster is working on was originally released as an album played by computer instruments when he was being paid to compose theater programs before releasing his own work. Although self-taught, Webster has some incredible accomplishments under his belt. Barely a year after seeing the Da Vinci Code, he won an international award for under 18s for composition. She has received more local awards and has traveled around the country and internationally, even taking a trip to Monaco for a performance.

“I think if my younger self saw me today, he would say ‘damn, he’s actually doing what he wants.’ It’s hard to see that sometimes.”

Webster started posting videos on Tik Tok and has gained more than 34,000 followers, some of whom often message him to tell him how the album got them out of bed or gave them a reason to keep going.

Fifty percent of the profits made will go directly to mental health organizations around the ACT. First on the list will likely be the Acacia Pavilion at Calvary Hospital; Having spent time there, Webster knows there are things patients need that the ward can’t afford.

“I just want to make a difference in the only way I know how, which is music.”

Another charity she wants to support is Lifeline Canberra to help people in crisis get the help they need, having experienced how difficult it can be to get help when you feel like you need it most. Webster says that even when trying to avoid going back to the hospital because business stops, bills still need to be paid, people can still go back there and it’s important to support the charities that are trying to prevent that.

Music has been an important part of her life for as long as she can remember, unable to remember a time when she wasn’t playing the piano. His sisters were given lessons, but he taught himself, sitting at the piano improvising with different sounds to find something that sounded good, a form of composition.

Music is not only his passion, but it is also a form of therapy for Webster, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was 18 years old. However, his mental health problems began when he was much younger. He had to drop out of Year 7 when his diagnosed depression worsened; he also dropped out of year 9 entirely and did not successfully complete years 10-12 even though he tried them all.

Webster says he wasn’t diagnosed with bipolar earlier, as it usually takes longer for the manic side of the disorder to kick in because the brain is still developing. Until mania sets in, people will be considered to have major depression.

He says that it is important to keep in mind that the disorder presents differently for each case; some people may have hypersexual tendencies, gambling, drug or alcohol addiction, while others may be prone to angry outbursts.

Discussing how the disorder affects him, Webster explained that the lows are the worst depression one could imagine with intense suicidal thoughts, paranoia, and delusional thoughts. He remembers that he self-harmed a lot during his adolescence and youth, but he is thankful that he didn’t fall back into that place.

Manic highs make you feel constantly high with a great sense of self and thinking that nothing could hurt you. During one of his manic ups and downs, Webster recalls racking up $20,000 in debt in just one shopping incident at a major home entertainment retail store.

“When I get cranky, I’m like I’m the next Mozart, which is really embarrassing because you try to talk to your psychologist about it and they say ‘are you really good at music?'”

Webster first began seeing psychologists in year 7 after his depression diagnosis; in the following years she also began taking antidepressants. Things came to a head when she was in her 20s and attempted suicide while her parents were out of town; a friend found him and took him to the hospital. For the next several years he would return several times a year. Webster said that because the mental health sector was underfunded, he wasn’t getting the care he needed. He was sent back each time without a long-term support plan and the cycle repeated itself.

In 2019, exhausted and unwilling to be unwell all his life, Webster’s depression is drug-resistant, prompting him to try an alternative in electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). The therapy is used to treat certain psychiatric conditions by passing small electrical currents through the brain to alter its chemistry and relieve symptoms. However, many doctors are hesitant to perform the procedure, especially on younger patients.

“I went to an appointment with a community psychiatrist and said ‘give it to me or I’m leaving. I have a plan, I know exactly what I’m going to do, this is final’”.

After receiving the go-ahead from three psychiatrists, he was able to receive nine courses of treatment in a two-month period. She came out of treatment feeling ‘normal’ for what she said was the first time in her life, something that lasted about 18 months. She has since had another two courses of treatment and is pushing for maintenance ECT.

“It’s helpful to think of it as if my brain’s wiring isn’t quite working, and then if we reboot the brain through ECT, I’m better for a while.”

Part of the hesitation surrounding the procedure is the fact that it can cause memory loss. Webster laughed as he talked about the messages he had sent to her mother asking her why he was in the hospital after treatment. However, she feared that the therapy would affect her ability to play and write music.

“I was worried that I would forget how to play the piano because you don’t know what memories you’re going to lose.”

Fortunately, Webster has retained his memory of the music; in fact, he said that when he got out of the hospital he was playing better than ever because he was no longer anxious all the time or bogged down with depression.

It was after the first ECT course that Webster decided to pursue music full time, looking for something that would provide him with enough money to live on without sending him back to the hospital every few months. He teaches piano and singing to children and adults and is currently full. All of his clients supported him when he ended up in the hospital, some even offered to come feed his cats for him.

When he’s not teaching, Webster is busy working on his orchestral album, This too shall pass, which he is crowdfunding with a goal of $20,000 to help with the cost of hiring the Budapest Scoring Orchestra to record the tracks. Composing the album after his first round of ECT, he says it’s like a movie score, with each piece describing a different period throughout the process.

“It starts basically at the beginning of a dip, going into that trough and then going through it and receiving (TEC) it, feeling the first hope of it coming back and then collapsing; then in the end you are better off,” she said.

Having an online presence means there will be some hateful comments, Webster has found ways to deal with these by learning to be liberal with the lock button and recently started putting together a touch box. He’s saving positive comments, reviews of his shows, messages from people telling him how much his music has helped, to print them out and put them in a box so he can physically hold something positive when negative comments give him pause. negatives.

“I have something real physical that I can touch and hold that shows that I have achieved things and that I am worth something.”

Webster is focusing on small, achievable goals, like making the album. He also has some overseas prospects in the works through his Tik Tok connections, including scoring a US independent film and writing music for a UK TV pilot.

“There’s a lot of support there, but I don’t want to go too far with my dreams because that would end badly. With the issue of mental health, if something fell apart, it would only lead to a spiral.”

You can find Webster on social media and streaming platforms under Matthew J Wester. To support the production of your album, go to kickstarter.com/projects/matthewjwebster

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