It’s easy to think that people are happier than you, or happy all the time, because they seem to constantly have a smile on their face. But those who seem to be “always happy” could be dealing with a mental disorder such as high-functioning anxiety or depression.
It may be time to check in with a friend who exhibits this behavior to make sure that what seems like an ideal and sublime life really is.
The truth is that being completely satisfied with life is not easy for anyone, no matter what it “looks like”.
“Being happy all the time is unrealistic and a fictional version of how things really are,” he says. Yeraz N. Markarian, PhD., psychologist at Hackensack University Medical Center. “In the real world, pain and suffering, and ups and downs, are a natural part of life, just like joy and euphoria.”
How to register
Checking in and asking about that person can give them an opportunity to communicate some of their sadness, since they didn’t have to come to you first. Dr. Markarian recommends starting with, “Hi, how are you, really? Is everything okay with you?”
Remember that people with depression or anxiety may:
- They feel guilty about sharing because they think it will bring others down.
- He acts as if everything is fine because he doesn’t want to admit what he feels, because it’s uncomfortable.
- They think they’ll “fake it till they make it”
Approach the conversation in a way that feels natural to your relationship. For example, if you usually go for walks with this friend or like to meet him for dinner, you can communicate with him in a space that is comfortable for you. Staying true to your connection can help your loved one feel safe to open up.
When your help is not enough
Sometimes when things don’t get better on their own, a person may need counseling. That’s when coffee with a friend to talk things through doesn’t help as much, or the good news they got at work doesn’t really make them smile. If you notice that you still feel unfulfilled, hopeless, dissatisfied, or empty, that’s a sure sign that professional help might be the next logical step.
When the things that normally make people happy no longer work, it’s time to seek help, especially if they have very negative thoughts about life or suicidal thoughts.
Turn off perfection images
Social media seems to be preoccupied with celebrities or influencers creating the illusion that things really are perfect. That can lead us down a very negative path.
“In general, it is healthier turn off those images of perfection and focus on ourselves, to take a break from social media, for example, and celebrity obsessions,” says Dr. Markarian. “We should calibrate our own happiness barometer and ask ourselves: ‘Am I going to follow others or am I going to focus on myself, what drives me, what I enjoy?’”
Next steps and resources:
The material provided through HealthU is intended to be used for general information only and should not replace the advice of your physician. Always consult your doctor for individual care.
