Republic of Ireland international Clare Shine has published an eye-opening book about her battle with mental health issues and addiction.
The 27-year-old’s autobiography, ‘Scoring Goals in the Dark,’ details his relationship with alcohol and drugs, as well as his ongoing recovery.
A promising GAA and soccer player from a young age, her career began to veer off course before it really began.
Shine was 15 years old when she was part of the under-17 team that lost the 2010 UEFA Women’s Under-17 Championship final in Switzerland.
She was then part of Ireland’s 2010 FIFA U-17 Women’s World Cup campaign.
And again, included in the 2014 UEFA Women’s Under-19 Championship, where she scored the only goal against Spain as Ireland won their group before losing 4-0 to the Netherlands in the semi-final.
But while things were going well on the pitch, the young star was in turmoil as he turned to alcohol to “drown everything that was going on”.
We sit down with Clare as she posts a very honest and open account of her journey with alcohol and drug abuse.
She explains when things started going downhill for her.
“I started experiencing my first panic attacks around 17, 18, 19 years old and I was young, had no idea what mental health was, had no education about it, and didn’t know how to manage or control it.
“I thought I was the only person going through all of these things, but I’ve learned along the way that a lot of people go through these same struggles. I just had no control over anything and my thoughts started to get really harsh.
“I felt so alone going through that, but once it started getting visible and I started having panic attacks in training camp and the girls on my team were able to recognize what was going on, I just brushed it under the rug.
“I was hoping that one day I would wake up and it would all go away and I could live my life like a normal person, but it continued and I didn’t take care of it. I didn’t ask for help, I was too embarrassed to ask for help and it only got worse and progressively took over my life.”
‘Maybe, just maybe my story can help in some way’ #ScoringGoalsInTheDark pic.twitter.com/BXWL75671k
— Clare Shine (@ClareShine01) June 6, 2022
However, despite the turmoil that was going on with the young footballer off the pitch, she was still performing at the highest level on it.
He regularly scored goals, including hat-tricks, and admits his fine form in front of goal meant his off-duty behavior was long overlooked.
“I got away with everything I was doing off the court because of how well I was doing.
“I was in no way in shape or form exceeding the expectations and demands of a professional sport and when I look back now and see photos of myself I think ‘who is that? I don’t recognize that person’ and that’s a hard and difficult thing. to perform.
In Clare’s book, she devotes an entire chapter to 2018, describing it as the worst year of her life.
“I think sometimes it’s hard for people to understand mental health, but it can get very physical.
“I was very sick all year. I was constantly bleeding when I went to the bathroom, coughing up blood and having all these aches and pains all over my body that didn’t stop me from going to the pub or going to the party.
“I was out until 6:00 in the morning, I was out for days and days. It just didn’t stop me. Even the color of my skin and hair changed, my hygiene got out of the way, my diet got out of the way.
“Everything stopped and that’s when I walked away from football. I started getting a bad rap, showing up in games under the influence and just ran away from there.”
But things start to change for the 27-year-old.
Colin Bell left as manager of the women’s team and Vera Pauw entered the fold. Now was Clare’s chance to… shine!
He had the opportunity to work hard and catch the attention of the new managers and he did, earning his first senior call-up for a match against Montenegro.
But the dream did not last long.
“I was sober for a year and a half, you know things were going well for me and I never fully believed I was an alcoholic and there was always a voice in my head that said, you know next time would be different.
“I learned a lot about myself and was able to distance myself from the social aspect of life and was putting 100% into football, but I still had these underlying mental health issues that I never properly addressed.
“I just thought I’d give up drinking and everything would be so much better, but that’s not the case.
“I was back in the team and it was amazing, I had my first start in Montenegro and then three weeks later I was in the middle of a relapse that used to end nightmares and shows how overwhelming it can be.
“That was probably the best moment of my career and the next minute I undid all my hard work and was back to square one in the blink of an eye.
That voice of addiction in my head telling me that it would be different next time was not true and I realized that I have serious addiction problems.
“I was an alcoholic and I needed to go through all those situations to learn and grow and realize that my recovery is an ongoing thing.”
Such a special day, thank you so much for all the kind messages and support over the last few days, eternally grateful 📚✍🏼 pic.twitter.com/MHLFiwTUgL
— Clare Shine (@ClareShine01) June 11, 2022
Clare has been sober for almost two years and said her addiction issues are still something she needs to take seriously every day.
“I can’t just sweep it under the rug and forget about it because I know if I take my foot off the pedal there’s a chance I could relapse and I definitely don’t want to go down that road again.”
Speaking of her current club, Glasgow City, who recently signed the player to a new contract, Clare has nothing but gratitude for the Scottish team.
“I will be eternally grateful for Glasgow City.
“They never gave up on me and I think my fear of judgment over the years has been something that has played a big part in me and when I went missing in Glasgow and was in hospital the club was great.
“They took me in, they just supported me through everything and it’s my turn to give back.
“I have been offered a job. I’m the club’s mental health ambassador, I’m the club’s project coordinator and I’m in and out of schools and promoting the amazing work that they do and that’s something I’m very proud of.
When asked how he is now and how he feels about the future, he replies:
“I’m really excited about the future actually.
“A lot of doors have opened for me in the last few weeks, which is extremely exciting.
“Of course I want to play football for as long as I can and give 100% of that, but I will take every chance I can.
“I feel like the life we live in shouldn’t be taken for granted and just being sober and being happy and doing the right things and being the best person I can be is definitely something I’ll do. daily.”
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