For a while, whenever I talk to my friends about feeling anxious or overwhelmed, an undertone of discomfort often lingers.
After all, I’m usually on the other end of the conversation, ready with a cheerful disposition and a plethora of emojis.
As operations and content manager at the online counseling platform Talk Your Heart Out, my typical work day already involves managing a variety of queries from both clients and therapists. I am not a therapist myself.
But in many cases, I am your first port of call. When I pick up the phone or open a new email, I hear or read about someone else’s past experiences, recent transitions, and their ongoing struggles.
In this mode, I exist in a liminal space: to clients, I am neither their therapist nor their friend.
However, in my job, I get to know a little about people’s lives as they reach out to learn more about their own mental health.
So, after a year in this job supporting others with their problems, bringing up my own suddenly seemed out of place.
Every time I wanted to talk about my own problems, I stopped myself from opening up. “Is this a good time? Everyone’s busy,” he would say to myself.
The irony of this was not lost on me. For someone who spends his working hours encouraging others to trust us with the daily problems they face, I have certainly found it difficult to practice what I preach.
That was the case, until the people I work with started showing me that it was okay to talk about my own struggles.
I saw how my colleagues, bosses, and some of our therapists never shied away from sharing their mental health and relationship issues, their experiences with therapy, and how they developed a support system of their own.
It took me a while, but gradually I realized that working on an online counseling platform doesn’t mean I’m less susceptible to mental health or relationship problems, nor does it make it easier to talk about them.
If I could meet people where they are, why can’t I meet myself where I am?
There are many different ways we can show up for ourselves, and I found that it’s okay to feel disconnected at times and eventually accept help when it’s needed.
RESPECT FOR REALITIES
I’ve also learned that it’s okay for people to feel uncomfortable when seeking help, as I was at that stage myself. Sometimes it’s okay to acknowledge their vulnerabilities and give them room to process.
One day, a person (I’ll call her Amy) wrote to me to get more information about grief counseling, as she had just lost her mother, with whom she was in an estranged relationship.
When someone says they’re going through a rough patch, a typical response would be to tell them you understand how they feel and perhaps share a personal experience they can relate to.
To reply to Amy, I wrote “We understand where you’re coming from.” But I read the line again and then deleted it. He wasn’t even sure how she felt about her. Was it regret? Disbelief? Anger? Or pity? It could well be a mixture of all of them.
Wanting to comfort whoever is opening their heart to you, to lift them and possibly yourself from the weight in the air, is instinctual.
I have come to learn that while my job was to be supportive, I must also respect their reality.
Sometimes that means resisting the inclination to express an understanding of your emotions and acknowledging that you may never be able to do so.
Other times, it means accepting that they may not be willing or ready to accept help at the given time.
Mental health is a journey with no destination, and that’s not to say that counselors and therapists wander aimlessly and end up nowhere. There is no destination because we perpetually navigate the ebbs and flows of life.
When we look for ways to improve our mental health, we do so with the desired outcomes in mind: achieving a better mood, gaining insight into how to manage stress, or building stronger relationships with others or ourselves.
However, progress towards these goals is not linear. The vicissitudes of life mean that we are not going to feel good all the time.
This process of being intentional with one’s emotions is not going to be easy, nor is it supposed to be.
Whether one is waiting to bloom, about to bloom, or in full bloom, what matters is that there is beauty in being present at every stage of their growth.
A year ago, I entered this job, my first after graduating, not knowing exactly what I wanted to take with me. A year later, I am honored by what I have learned and the interactions I have had, because little by little they have expanded my humanity.
That has been my year of change, not only in work status, but also in responsibilities and the way I think.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Sheryl See, 24, is an operations and content manager at the Singapore-based online advice and counseling platform, Talk Your Heart Out.
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