Like most women, my menopause started when I was 47 or 48, but I had no idea
I didn’t know what signs to look for, I didn’t even know that anxiety or insomnia were symptoms. It’s like being sucked into a black hole, because going to sleep is no longer a form of respite.
We live in a discriminatory society that tells us that we are useless and invisible, so you begin to feel that you are no longer in control of your life. But when I finally saw a gynecologist in her fifties and explained how I felt, she said, “No question, you’re going through menopause.”
And it was a huge relief, actually, that someone finally pointed out what I was experiencing. I had already done some blood tests, which is the only means at the moment to diagnose menopause, but they were not conclusive.
We still don’t know everything about menopause, and as a society we’ve only scratched the surface.
But while doing research for our book Cracking the Menopause, Alice Smellie and I discovered that if you’re fit and healthy when you’re entering a period of tumultuous hormonal changes, it really helps with the kind of symptoms you have. At forty, after having all my children, I turned to pilates and continued with yoga.
I also love walking, which has been a form of meditation for me and the place where I develop my ideas. I’ve also started a running group with some moms from school, where we can find a more productive way to talk. It truly is a time in life to take care of yourself, which is why I spend 20 minutes twice a week weight training with kettlebells. He has been a savior.
I have not always had a healthy lifestyle.
I had periods of great debauchery between my twenties and thirties. I smoked and drank and did all that kind of stuff, but I always exercised too, because I’m a restless person. I’m useless when I have to do things on my own, so I prefer to make a date with a friend. I wish I could be a loner running around the hills, sounds great but I’ll just make excuses. I didn’t exercise much in my twenties. But certainly, when I hit my thirties, I went to the gym three times a week.
He hated team sports at school.
But all my childhood I lived in the country and spent hours outside running or walking with friends to school, so I’ve always been active but I’ve never been an athlete.
He was a terror at school when it came to sports, especially physical education. When I compare the facilities to what most schools in the UK now have, I was very lucky, because we were encouraged to move our bodies. Although if you wanted to be lazy, you could get away with it.
We used to play this Irish version of hockey, and I was the one on the team that ran in the opposite direction of the ball, because it was such a hard ball and it scared the hell out of me.
I have played tennis on a few occasions as I thought it was quite glamorous. I even went to a two week immersion tennis camp in Jamaica, took lessons and was still absolutely useless. I couldn’t serve and nobody wanted to play with me.
In the 80’s there used to be a lot of fad diets and people loved aerobics but I didn’t fall for them because I was starting to think about food all the time.
But now I’m 59 years old and I’ve done every kind of exercise you can imagine. I remember going to a step class with my sister in the nineties, it was under London’s Westway at Portobello Studios. My sister is a very good dancer and she has coordination, but I was hopeless. So I didn’t do that for a long time.
I have also tried aerobics classes. But I really don’t like getting hot and sweaty in a crowded room. My best friend once took me to a spin class in a basement, where all the lights were off except for the flashing colored lights at 7am in the morning. It’s not my cup of tea.
Since youth, I think it’s important that we start preaching body positivity.
None of us is perfect, but we are all as perfect as we will ever be. I have focused on being strong in my life and in my body. I think that’s what got me past the cusp of osteopenia, having healthy bones. The entire life cycle of a woman’s body is important, not just her periods.
Cracking the Menopause by Mariella Frostrup and Alice Smellie is available to buy in paperback next month (Bluebird, £9.99)
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