The impact of mental illness on the family is very different from that of physical illness. Unlike most physical illnesses, mental illness takes a huge toll on the family. Living with someone with heart disease or cancer may not give her heart disease or cancer, but living with a relative with mental illness can definitely affect her own emotional stability and well-being.
So, we got in touch with Dr. preeti parajMD Psychiatry, psychiatrist and chief, empower the center Kolkata for some expert advice on the best coping strategies when living with and caring for someone with chronic mental health issues and here is what she had to say:
People often don’t understand what happens with mental illness. They can empathize with someone who is sad about a setback in their career, but they don’t know what to say to a person who is depressed or anxious for no apparent reason. It becomes even more difficult if the family member is irritable, aggressive, and suspicious. Substance abuse is also very difficult for family members to deal with. Often, the abnormal behavior of the patient results in outbursts, unpleasant scenes and embarrassing situations that also involve the rest of the family. Therefore, it becomes imperative that family members take maximum care of their own mental health. There are some strategies that can help you deal with these types of situations in your own family.
1. Accept them
First you have to accept that living with someone who has a mental illness is difficult and that it makes sense to seek support and guidance. There are often many questions about what to say to the family member who has not been behaving normally, whether to challenge him or accept what he says. Since the answer may not be the same for all patients and all situations, it is best to discuss this in detail with the mental health professionals in charge of the patient’s care.
2. Don’t blame yourself
Family members of people with mental illness often feel guilty and responsible for the illness. It is especially so for parents. They blame themselves for not realizing that most of the time, mental illness has a biological component. So there is no point in wondering if they could have prevented mental illness by doing something different. Parents must also readjust their expectations of the child with mental illness and make sure that other healthy children are not neglected. Healthy siblings should be explained about mental illness and involved in the care of the affected child.
3. Your emotions are normal
Another source of guilt and shame can be the caregiver’s involuntary expression of anger or frustration toward the patient. Kindness and compassion towards oneself is the key here; remember that you are a human being with natural limits and boundaries. There will be times when you might lose your temper and become irritable. Don’t judge yourself harshly for these lapses. Caring for an emotionally distressed person is often exhausting and can have negative consequences on your personal and professional life. You can try to push yourself by looking in a mirror and reiterating that such emotions are normal and that you are still trying to do your best.
4. Room to improve
Marriage itself is a complex relationship, but having a spouse with a mental illness further complicates the marital relationship. The healthy couple may find it difficult to cope with additional responsibilities. If there is abuse and assault involved, the marriage will likely break up. Therefore, it is imperative to remember that with time and proper treatment, mental illness is likely to improve. A good marital relationship plays an important role in improving the prognosis of mental illness and acts as an important support system.
5. Don’t forget to take care of yourself
Family members caring for a mentally ill relative are at increased risk of developing anxiety, depression, and insomnia along with other psychological and behavioral problems, primarily due to the stress involved. The unfortunate thing is that these mental health issues are largely ignored due to being overshadowed by the more dysfunctional relative. It can increase conflict in the family and affect family dynamics. Taking professional help can ensure that the situation remains under control.
6. Support groups
There are support groups to help family members cope with overwhelming stress. People can share their problems with other people in similar situations and learn from their experiences. Sometimes sharing is the first step to healing. It also feels good to know that you are not alone. Family members should prepare crisis plans and make sure all potential caregivers are up to date on the same. One should not avoid asking for help during a crisis.
7. Family therapy
Family therapy is another strategy that can help caregivers improve their mental health. It improves communication between family members and can resolve conflicts. It can complement the primary treatment of the mentally ill family member but not replace it. If there are some specific issues, such as financial problems, parent-child conflicts, marital disputes, or addictions, family therapy can address these issues by helping family members understand each other better and develop a sense of togetherness.
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