‘It just led me to spiral’: Mike King’s daughter Tekay on mental health battle

WARNING: The article talks about suicide

Mike King has helped many young men and women across the country fight mental health battles and help promote life.

But even his experience as a mental health advocate and his own past could not have prepared him for the phone call that one of his sons had attempted suicide.

“As a parent, all you want to do is fix it. You are listening to clues and you are listening to advice.

“When one of my babies gets hurt, I end up feeling like a failure.”

King is widely known for his work in the mental health and suicide prevention industry and is the founder of I Am Hope, a registered charity under the Key to Life Charitable Trust.

In August, he received the dreaded phone call that no parent wants to receive.

One of his daughters, Tekay King, was in hospital after attempting to take her own life.

He recognized how hard it was to listen and remembered some of their conversations before that.

“It got to the point with us, she was like, ‘Dad, why don’t you just listen? I’m listening, I’d say.’

“And then when I’d shut up, he’d say, ‘Dad, are you there?

“Very often the last person who can help is a parent. I can help someone else’s child because… I don’t have a history with them.

“I always tell my baby that I love her. I’ll call her 10 times in three days just to do that.”

Tekay King, whose real name is Te Aroha, lives in Perth with his partner and their 4-year-old daughter Harper.

A new job and the subsequent long commute to work, the fact that he only saw his little girl when he put her to bed and then the illness finally caught up with Tekay.

“One day, my mental health was so bad that I couldn’t see a way out. I felt like I was now becoming a heavy burden to those around me and the frustration towards me was more noticeable.”

“I made the decision to put them out of their misery because I felt like a fat load and a failure.”

The 32-year-old shared those words on Facebook in early December; describing going public as one of the scariest decisions he had ever made.

The post has racked up hundreds of reactions, shares, and messages of support.

It was never meant to reach that many people, he told the Herald.

“I was surprised by how many people felt the same way. I was surprised by how many people reached out to me.”

Her new job brought her more money, but with it more responsibility, which meant less time for her daughter.

‘It just took me into the spiral’

The commute to work was an hour and a half each way. It starts early in the morning, having to drop her daughter off at daycare long before school starts, and the sacrifices of the long hours begin to take a toll on her.

“It just took me into the spiral. It was too long, too long.”

One day, she told her mother, Rosemary Nathan, that something was wrong, and thoughts of not being a capable mother began to invade her mind.

“It was a very difficult time. I dropped Harper off at school and I came home and I went to bed and I was crying … and I tried to do what I did.”

“Interestingly, Mom said later that she just thought, ‘Where’s Te Aroha?’ That’s when she found me. She just said, ‘No, what about us? What about us?'”

Tekay was rushed to the hospital, where she spent three days being monitored.

After the incident, her father called her.

“Dad called me and said, ‘I’m so sorry you felt like that was your only option.'”

But it was a message from a cousin, who lost her father to suicide, that changed something in her, says Tekay.

“He told me that the damage you could have done to your daughter is much greater than the damage you feel now.

“That statement has saved me. Whatever I am now is better than it would be if I were dead.”

Mike speaks of his pride at seeing his daughter’s bravery in that Facebook post, describing it as overwhelming and a “game changer” for him.

He says that it is still a journey and that he will continue to love, protect and be silent when his daughter wants to talk.

“And maybe growl once in a while so she knows I’m listening.”

Tekay says that there are still difficult days ahead. But he has strong support from his whānau and friends and even strangers who have reached out after seeing his Facebook post.

However, sometimes he just needs space to work things out his way, he says.

The Facebook post has made her think about helping others who are struggling to cope.

“I didn’t think it was possible, but it opened my eyes to what you can do if you are honest with your truth. It has given me the courage to go out again.”

Where to get help:

• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youth Line: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WhatsApp: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• Helpline: 1737
If it is an emergency and you feel that you or someone else is at risk, call 111