Approximately 50 percent of adolescents meet the criteria for a psychiatric diagnosis at some point, and we have all heard of unresolved mental health problems in adolescents along with worrying rates of suicidality. As young adults yearn for autonomy, the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that handles thought flexibly and manages impulses, continues to develop until age 25Which means that, as mature as they may seem, your teen needs adult help when it comes to regulating emotions and managing crises.
Still, I’ve seen even parents with the best intentions panic when their child is struggling with mental health issues and then inadvertently say the wrong thing, like “you’re overreacting.” Sometimes they offer children too much space, assuming that their teenager will come to them with a problem. But there are effective ways to empower your teen, including working on driving. your own emotionsasking the right questions and helping determine the level of support they need.
Practice being kind and not judging: To increase the likelihood that your teen will open up to you in difficult times, it helps to be open and warm in ordinary times. It can also help to remember that feeling distress is part of being a young adult, says psychologist Lisa Damour, author of “Under pressure”, and co-host of the podcast “Ask Lisa: The Psychology of Parenting”. “Part of how we can support youth is to normalize stress,” she says.
Don’t be a “snowplow dad”: It’s not your job to eliminate potential problems your teen is facing. Experimenting and coping with mistakes and failures can turn out to be a “hidden curriculum” that helps young adults grow and find their purpose, say Belle Liang and Timothy Klein, authors of “how to navigate life.”
Many parents I deal with, especially those who experience anxiety, feel anxious to rush to save the day on non-urgent matters, like helping their teen catch up on a late assignment. That only prevents your young adult from learning from the consequences and developing better problem-solving skills. Instead, Damour recommends listening and empathizing, which reduces the intensity of negative emotions. Instead of going into fix-it mode, the goal should be to “help your teen build a broader repertoire for management,” Damour advises. That can include talking about building healthy habits, like getting enough sleep, exercising, and avoiding substances.
Give them hope: If your teen is struggling with issues more serious than average stress, such as depression or anxiety, let them know that what they are experiencing is not permanent and that feeling better is possible and within reach. “The symptoms of depression do not define you, they are part of your life experience and will change through effort, adaptive coping strategies, and finding the right supports,” advises Jessica Schleider, a psychologist and assistant professor at the University of stonybrook. Schleider developed brief one-session interventions that they are free online, which help reduce hopelessness and depression, especially if you are waiting to meet with a professional.
Ask about thoughts of self-harm: However, if you’re concerned that your child is considering suicide or self-harm, “the most important thing is to pull yourself together and find a way to ask directly about it,” says David Jobes, a psychologist and professor at Catholic University. that he developed the Collaborative Assessment and management of suicidality, an evidence-based clinical intervention to help prevent suicide. He encourages parents to gather their strength, approach their loved one at a good time when they have their full attention, and then be direct: “Are things so bad that you think about suicide? Have you ever thought about doing things to hurt yourself? — and make sure you’re ready to hear the answer. “You have to listen and just hear it and sustain it, instead of invalidating or anticipating or pointing things out,” Jobes says. “You want to convey the message that we are here, either physically or emotionally; by phone or by text message. We got you.
Many young adults are terrified of bringing up suicidal feelings with their parents, which may mean suicidal thoughts are not discussed until there is an emergency. That’s why it’s so important to lay the foundation for your teen to feel comfortable sharing. Also, keep in mind that suicidal thoughts are quite common, with almost 10 percent of people who have these thoughts throughout their lives.
“We can all have thoughts that feel strange, they’re just thoughts, and we can talk about them together,” says Schleider, adding that it’s crucial that your teen knows that they can come to you. While suicidal feelings can be frightening and warrant seeking professional help, remember that this should be someone your child can turn to, so don’t overreact. Instead, try to go into these conversations prepared with potential resources.
Lean on research-based approaches: As a parent, Jobes says, you can call crisis hotlines and use tools, like Stanley-Brown’s Safety Plan, and share them with your teen, giving them some agency over what they find helpful. Some of the assistance that Jobes encourages you to explore, while you wait to meet with a professional, includes the crisis text line, the 988 national hotline, exploring dialectical behavior therapy, an evidence-based approach to treating suicidal feelings, content on Now Matters Now or DBT-RU, or join the Lived Experience Academy or peer-led Alternatives to Suicide. Certainly take precautions and eliminate access to any lethal media.
Despite conventional wisdom, when the risk of suicide is not imminent, medications such as SSRIs and hospitalizations may not be necessary. Instead, Jobes encourages understanding the factors that cause your child to consider suicide and offers a variety of options, including recognized psychotherapies to reduce suicide risk, such as dialectical behavior therapy, to directly address the challenges that fuel suicidal feelings. After decades of experience in the field of adolescent suicidology, Jobes has observed that “what is at the center of most suicidal struggles are relational issues.” These can include anything from problems at home to bullying to romantic breakups, and medications or hospitalizations usually don’t significantly improve those concerns as much as good talk therapy, Jobes says.
One of the studies on suicide prevention that I often think about in my work is the simple but life-saving one by psychiatrist Jerome Motto. finding that clinicians sending short, caring check-in messages that show someone is involved in a person’s well-being can significantly reduce the risk of suicide. Communicating that you really care and are there, repeatedly and without judgment, is a profound gift.
No matter what the young adult you love is facing, consider your role, as Jobes prescribes: “Like a beacon, keep sending the message, I am here. There are rocks out there. I will continue to send a beacon of light to help guide you, but you are the captain of your own ship and together we can get you safely to shore.”
Jenny Taitz, PsyD, ABPP, is a clinical psychologist and assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles. She is the author of a forthcoming book on stress, “How to be single and happy,” Y “Put an end to emotional eating.”
We welcome your feedback on this column at [email protected].
