My hot vax summer: Why cruising at the gym is the worst and best thing ever

Nothing prolongs my gym workout more than another hot guy lifting weights. Every look inspires an extra bicep curl; I’ve switched from chest day to back day to stay within cruiser proximity.

I am not alone. Most of my gay friends who exercise frequently express this sentiment, many of them having at least one crush on the gym. You know, that person whose gym routine you mostly ingrained in memory and tried to replicate within your own schedule. You find yourself wondering where the heck they are when they’re missing at 8:00 am on Tuesday!

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They usually only work out at night on Monday and Wednesday…

That is until a new (hence better) handsome stranger shows up.

Enter a pandemic (or two) later, and people around the world experienced the tragedy – and the excitement – like never before. As restrictions have been lifted, gyms have reopened and mask mandates have been lifted, we have all scrambled to prepare for our hot vax summer. No wonder bidet company Tushy launched a herd immunity countdown clock on CanIEatAssYet.com. Both liberal and conservative publications agreed on the global blue ball crisis, such as the New York PostThe “NYC singles ready for ‘slutty summer’ of casual sex” article. Yes, that’s Rupert Murdoch’s horrible tabloid.

I was also experiencing a messy breakup with my boyfriend, who I was living with, another negative side effect for countless couples caused by Covid. We agreed to stay away from apps until we moved (her suggestion demanded of him), so I found myself exercising like never before. I found the energy of muscular men sweating, crouching down and staring at each other, a welcome escape from the passionless drought in my apartment, or should I say, my ex-boyfriend’s place, as he liked to remind me.

But the isolation of the confinement made me glamorize my encounters in the gym. It’s not like before having sex in the shower or oral sex in the locker room. I haven’t even gotten a guy’s number, mostly because he was waiting to be greeted first. But the idea that it could happen at any moment kept me hooked. There is nothing as relentless as the fantasy and hope of a gay man. Not unlike the reason so many of us find ourselves endlessly scrolling on Grind. Anytimeyou will think 2 hours later at 1 am

But adventures in the gym are different because the mutual attraction is in our heads. It’s impossible to get confirmation of a response (or lack thereof). It could be a fiery reciprocal lust or wishful thinking; I’ve never had the balls to find out. I mean, imagine using Grindr with an audience! It’s what makes modern gym cruising the best and the worst ever; Online culture has made flirting with someone in person not worth the risk of rejection, at least for most. Not to mention the cock-blocking devices that are AirPods.

Also, when was the last time someone offered to buy you a drink at a bar or approached you on the street? I have often experienced the infamous online message from a guy I saw in person, letting me know that he saw me too. Bored. When it’s done offline, it’s usually done through an introduction of a mutual connection or when the two of you find yourself randomly kissing at the bar with the power of liquid courage.

However, I still find the feeling of walking in the gym exhilarating. I enjoy the idea that someone a few feet away wants me as much as I want them. After all, it’s a nice change of pace from the step-and-repeat instant gratification that is gay hookup culture. When the norm is to ask “up, down, or verse” before someone’s name, it’s no wonder why the eternal tease of the gym feels so riveting.

Maybe the other people there are preventing someone from making the first move. Ever. But despite the fantasy that it may never happen, your body will at least be ready for summer.