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- Author, Michelle Roberts
- Role, Digital Health Editor
Narcissistic people become more empathetic, generous and agreeable with age, according to new research on the personality trait.
But while their unreasonably high sense of self-importance may soften, they do not completely overcome it, the study involving more than 37,000 people suggests.
Researchers found that those who were more narcissistic than their peers as children tended to remain that way as adults.
And there are at least three types of narcissistic behavior to look for, they say.
What is a narcissist and how to identify one?
Narcissist has become an insult often hurled at people perceived as difficult or unpleasant.
We can all display some narcissistic traits at times.
Doctors use the term to describe a specific, diagnosable type of personality disorder.
Although definitions may vary, the common themes shared by those who suffer from it is the unshakable belief that they are better or more deserving than other people, which others might describe as arrogance and selfishness.
The work, published in the journal Psychological Bulletin, comes from data from 51 previous studies, involving 37,247 people aged between eight and 77.
The researchers looked for three types of narcissists, based on behavioral traits:
- Agent narcissists: who feel grandiose or superior to others and crave admiration.
- Antagonistic narcissists: who see others as rivals, are exploitative and lack empathy.
- Neurotic narcissists: prone to shame, insecure and overly sensitive to criticism.
They studied what happened to these personality measures over time, based on questionnaires, and found that, in general, narcissism scores decreased with age.
However, the changes were slight and gradual.
“Clearly some individuals may change more markedly, but in general you wouldn’t expect someone you knew to be a very narcissistic person to have changed completely when you meet them again after a few years,” lead researcher Dr Ulrich Orth, from the University of Bern in Switzerland, told BBC News.
He says some narcissistic traits can be useful, at least in the short term.
It may increase your popularity, your dating success, and your chances of landing a high-level position, for example, but over longer periods, the consequences are mostly negative, due to the conflict it creates.
“These consequences not only affect the person themselves, but also the well-being of the individuals they interact with, such as partners, children, friends, coworkers and employees,” he explained.
Dr Sarah Davies is a Chartered Counselling Psychologist who has written a book on how to leave a narcissist.
She told the BBC that although people can be arrogant or selfish at times, that should not be confused with true clinical narcissism.
“Narcissists tend to be envious and jealous of others and are highly exploitative and manipulative,” he said.
“They don’t experience remorse or feel bad, or have a sense of responsibility like other non-narcissistic people.”
She says there has been a boom in interest in narcissism, fueled by social media.
“To some extent this is helpful – it helps to inform more people about the topic and raise awareness of it. However, as with many mental health terms, the clinical meaning can get a little lost.
Dr Davies says we should be more selective about the term.
“I find it much more helpful to be specific in naming the behaviors and separating them out. For example, a friend of mine recently called her ex a narcissist because he ignored her after they broke up.
“Being ignored” [suddenly cutting someone out of your life without explanation] Sure, it’s horrible, but you may not have been able to hold a conversation after your relationship ended. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a raging narcissist.
“They were together for a while and there were no other indications of his ‘narcissism’.”
According to Dr. Davies, some signs that you may be involved with or close to a narcissist include:
- Constant drama: A narcissist needs to be needed and seeks chaos and conflict.
- They do not genuinely apologize; they never take full responsibility for their own behavior.
- Blame game: They manipulate and exploit others for their own selfish benefits.
Dr Tennyson Lee is a consultant psychiatrist at Deancross Personality Disorders Service, based in the London Borough of Tower Hamlets. He said the study was well conducted and the findings were useful.
“The good news is that narcissism tends to decrease with age. The bad news is that this decrease is not very large.
“Don’t expect narcissism to improve dramatically at a certain age: it doesn’t.
“This has implications for the spouse who is in great pain and thinks that ‘an improvement is just around the corner’,” she told BBC News.
