A mother of six has revealed how losing two of her children, a friend and a brother to suicide brought her to the brink of taking her own life, but a promise kept her here.
Queensland-based Robyn Warnaar lost her son Corey in 2011, when he was just 18, after taking his own life.
She told news.com.au that his death was unexpected, describing him as the life of the party, but his death sent something to her brother, Jayden, who never recovered from his older brother’s passing.
Robyn was in the hospital when she got the call about Corey, as her daughter-in-law was giving birth to her first grandchild.
Jayden took his own life in 2015, when he was just 21 years old, and his body was discovered by Robyn.
Robyn said that no parent should have to outlive their own child, and she’d done it twice.
She said that each day is just one foot in front of the other, advice she offers to others in her position.
“After my second son took his own life, I turned into a big ball of depression that used to sit on the couch. I was married to my second husband, who helped me raise my two children,” said Robyn.
“One day, a long time friend of mine took me out and made me realize that there was still life that I couldn’t live.”
Robyn said the couple grew closer and she ended up leaving her husband for his friend, a man named Darryl. Her second husband was very understanding and remains friends with Robyn to this day.
Sadly, the death of Robyn’s children was not her only brush with suicide. In 2017, a friend of Robyn’s who had supported her after the death of her children also took her own life.
Not long after, so did Robyn’s brother Michael, setting off a chain of events in Robyn’s life that she almost couldn’t come back from.
Robyn’s own mental health began to deteriorate and she was placed under the care of a psychologist and psychiatrist.
“I suffer from epilepsy and a disorder called functional neurological disorder, which are basically things like tics in the body, seizures and numbness in the extremities,” he said.
“That’s why. I lost my license in December and I can’t work.”
After the death of her brother, she felt lost, heartbroken and overwhelmed with grief, and she was sick of so much pain in her life.
She described it as the straw that broke the camel’s back.
“At the beginning of the year, I had to just after losing my brother, I had enough,” said Robyn.
“And I was also going to take my own life to the point where I wrote a note, put it in my pocket and left the house.
“But when Darryl and I got together, we both made a promise to each other that neither of us would take our own lives. And that’s what kept me here.”
He said that coming back from the edge of the abyss was not an easy thing to do, but he knew he had to keep his promise.
Instead, Robyn decided to channel her grief by raising money for mental health service black dog institute by taking part in the Walk for Solidarity.
“They do the walk in October, you dedicate how many kilometers you are going to walk in that month,” said Robyn.
In fact, I already did my walk. I did 60 kilometers in August and 60 kilometers in September, because my two children’s birthdays are in August and September”.
The touching tribute saw Robyn join her local Snap Fitness, so she could have a constant place to stay on top of her charity initiative.
“With the depression that Michael’s death caused, I needed a focal point,” he said.
“That gym is 24/7. So I can go to the gym at any time of the day or night.
If I have trouble sleeping through the night, I can get up and go to the gym if I choose to.”
He said it makes the Solidarity Walk much easier, allowing him to rise to the challenge.
October is Mental Health Month, with Robyn sharing her story as part of the initiative.
The mother said that while she understands that many who have been in her position would choose to keep it close to their vest, she needs to share hers.
“Because if my story can help one person, stay here, and then what? I’m happy with it,” she said.
She said accepting a loved one’s decision to take their own life is never easy, but it has to be done.
“It’s what they wanted: If they died in a car accident, then it wasn’t their choice and it wasn’t fair to them,” he said.
“My two children decided it was time for them to leave, and that is how I accepted their decision.”
Snap Fitness will open its doors nationwide from October 10-15 to allow Australians to work out at its clubs for free.
Snap Fitness will also donate $5 from each new member who signs up along with proceeds from donations and other fundraising activities held during the month to the mental health charity, LIVIN.
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