IIn her final conversation with the counselors, Sailor, who identified as non-binary, was overwhelmed. The 14-year-old boy described that the mass of emotions in them grew day by day and he felt that he had nowhere to turn for help.
His parents, Jason and Monika, struggle to get the words out when they think their son is feeling so alone. Despite a referral to the National Health Service a year before Sailor’s death, no official help or evaluation was done. The teenager ended up taking his own life in September of last year after visits to the emergency room and accidents due to self-harm.
“Our son was first referred by the school in October or November 2020 and then by a GP,” says Sailor’s mother, Monika. She says that in late June the family ended up in the hospital after a particularly serious court incident left them worried.
“The psychiatric nurses gave a safeguard plan that consisted of enclosing sharp objects. Suicide was not mentioned,” says Monika, adding that in subsequent calls with health experts, exercise was suggested as a solution.
Sailor’s parents searched for solutions, but private counselors refused to accept a child who self-harmed. “They were considered too high risk and the counselors were worried that they would be sued if something bad happened… Both Jason and I, over a period of months, tried several times a week to get help from Sailor and it was difficult. How difficult it can be when you say you have a 14-year-old son who self-harms, has obsessive-compulsive disorder, and wants to identify as gender neutral.
“If you can’t get help for a young man who is dealing with all these things, it’s no wonder what happened. But it’s heartbreaking since Sailor’s death was so preventable.”
To get a quicker evaluation, Jason and Monika would have to wait until “absolute crisis,” professionals said.
Sailor’s mental health has deteriorated from the lockdown, but Jason says he feels lack of funding is no excuse for poor support. “If you’re in an organization that’s cash-strapped, figure out how to best serve the people you need,” he says.
Sailor struggled with the closing and opening of school and was more stable when she was home. They were popular, but their OCD symptoms could be triggered by going to school due to lack of control.
“The humanity of all this is lost. From a mental health services perspective, it’s another person on a list, and to classify a child you wait until someone attempts suicide. But at this stage there is a 50/50 chance of saving their lives and in Sailor’s case it was already too late. Our son died.”
Monika says that Sailor “wasn’t a difficult teenager” and “wasn’t hard work”.
“They were creative, artistic and musical. I’m not saying this because they were our children, it’s true. Sailor wasn’t demanding or difficult like teenagers can be. We never fight, and I’m a hothead,” she says.
Parents say it was hard to hear Sailor’s final comments. “Sailor said there was no one there to help them, and all she wanted was for a doctor or children’s services to take her seriously,” says Jason.
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In the UK, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by email [email protected]. In the United States, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In Australia, the Lifeline crisis support service is 13 11 14. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org.
