It was only 3:30 in the afternoon and I was slumped on my couch. One hand was scrolling aimlessly through social media, the other was stuffing potato chips into my mouth. My daughter’s current favorite show was coming on for what seemed like the millionth time. She had been sitting there, consuming it and poking at my face for almost half an hour.
Fun fact: I don’t even eat fries. Well, except when she experiences those awkward first few minutes before someone breaks the ice at an occasional social gathering. Or maybe when these fries are surrounded by multiple cream sauces, hot sauces, and other goodies and snacks at a Superbowl party.
I actually bought the fries as a gift for my husband. Are his favorite. Yet here I was, mindlessly consuming hundreds of empty calories without even a hint of pleasure.
It’s easy to make excuses for things like this. In fact, it’s much more socially acceptable right now to “Treat yourself!” because, as a working mom, “I deserve it!” After all, a few French fries won’t do that much harm, and “there’s no such thing as bad food” anyway.
Although Some Either of that may be true, as I sat on my couch eating those fries out of boredom (and maybe a little self-loathing), I didn’t feel “treated”. I wasn’t enjoying myself or the food.
Later, when I guiltily shoved the empty bag into the bottom of the trash can, I certainly didn’t feel like I’d done something special for myself that I deserved either. In fact, now I just wanted a big glass of wine to wash down all that excess salt, along with my self-pity and embarrassment.
Obviously, the deed was done. However, when I look back on my behavior and wish to change it for a better future, how can I do it? What is my answer here?
It should never eat chips or other delicious salty snacks? Do I never indulge in my sweet tooth or guilty pleasures for fear of how they might make me look and, more importantly, feel afterward? Not only does that sound overly restrictive and slightly crazy, it also sounds like a very boring life.
The hard truth is that too often when we think we should “indulge,” we should be focusing on what our bodies and minds really need. We should look beyond the momentary longing and think about what will not only satisfy us in the moment, but beyond the now and in a longer period of time.
What does our body ask for? Why do we suddenly long for these things? How is our mental health right now? What do our emotions tell us?
Anxiety and boredom can cause us to reach for all sorts of bags and boxes hidden within our pantry walls. However, will this self-medication and excuse for self-care in the form of food or drink make us feel happy, satisfied, or even at peace once consumed? Or will it keep us pushing our hands through more of the same emptiness?
Perhaps when we’re stressed, pouring ourselves a cup of mint or herbal tea and picking up the phone to call a friend or family member is a much better option than a third glass of cabernet. Through this healthier alternative, we’re taking the time to enjoy a warm, relaxing beverage that works to calm our nerves, relax our bodies, and calm our minds.
Plus, it doesn’t have all that extra sugar and calories, along with the inflammation to make us feel guilty and sad the next morning. That, in turn, will only continue to increase the desire for more bogus “self-care.”
Choosing a cup of tea over alcohol seems pretty straightforward, right? But what about the other less obvious areas of our lives? What about the monotonous daily tasks? What happens when the dishes have piled up, the countertops are messy, and the floor is in desperate need of a good vacuum?
Sometimes work has been crazy, your boyfriend is mad at you (or vice versa), and you haven’t been to the gym in a month, let alone taken time to “take care of yourself” this week. A long bubble bath followed by food delivery, a pint of ice cream, and a session of Netflix and relaxation seems to be the obvious cure.
The next morning, however, your alarm will jolt you awake just six hours later (because that series was so good, it couldn’t stop at one episode). He will stumble into the kitchen for his first of many cups of coffee, and see that the state of his kitchen is enough to send him desperately crawling under the covers again.
Whether it’s food or not, long-lasting personal care isn’t often the popular and easy option. It’s not usually sitting around and ignoring your tasks, problems, or decisions in the hope that they’ll take care of themselves.
Real self-care usually doesn’t come in the form of alcohol, sugar, or excess snacks and treats that will only make you feel guilty later. Instead, it comes in the not-so-pretty way of doing hard, stressful work. It’s about making healthier food choices and often even saying “no” to random cravings, social invites, and that third glass of wine.
There is a better way! If you had just gone out of your way and cleaned up that kitchen, you wouldn’t have had to deal with that extra stress (and mess!) first thing in the morning. When you choose tea, sparkling water, or other healthier options than alcohol, you save yourself from a hangover, which almost always comes with feelings of shame and regret. A short walk in the sun will always bring more joy, heart health benefits, and refreshment than 30 minutes of surfing social media with a bag of chips.
When we constantly choose certain self-care, when we “treat” our body and mind with the things they really need on a regular basis, then we can indulge from time to time and take a break without all the negative effects. In that case, we’ve done the job, time and time again. We have stumbled imperfectly every day, yet we take care of ourselves and our bodies on a fairly regular basis.
Now, we can truly enjoy that hot bubble bath and the occasional second glass of wine. That’s because this time when we go out, the house is tidy and the dishes are already washed. We’ve hydrated and fueled our body with the nutrients it needs beforehand, so full-bodied red wine relaxes us rather than sidetracking our emotions.
These “better” options are almost never easy. They may even make you feel a bit frustrated at first. However, the benefits will certainly outweigh the negatives and help keep you on the move toward your goals of true happiness and health. This, my friends, is true self-care.
Shortly after being hired as a virtual fitness trainer, Kathryn started an online fitness group. Between studying for her personal fitness training certification, volunteering for stillbirth prevention foundations, raising her young son, caring for her husband, an 80-pound pit bull and an orange tabby cat, and working part-time in the industry of restaurants, she writes and advises others on adjusting their habits and coming out of the fire stronger than they came in.
