Mark Selby admits that the grueling demands of snooker on the mind are so great that it’s impossible to play to the best of your abilities while struggling with serious mental health issues.
The World No. 1 and four-time defending world champion spoke bravely about his own struggles that resurfaced during the recent Masters tournament at Alexandra Palace.
Selby, 38, is already a legend of the game with his many achievements and titles, many of which were earned through an iron will to win and an icy-cold temper at crucial moments in contests.
But one of Leicester’s favorite sporting sons was faced with a big decision after recognizing and facing a challenge of a very different kind: continue to compete in the hothouse of high-profile billiards, or take a complete break from the game.
In the end, at least for now, Selby decided that, working together with new professional help, he would continue to compete and thus played in both the Quickfire Shootout and now the German Masters in Berlin.
After a 5-0 win at the Tempodrom over Barry Pinches on Thursday, Selby said: “It was good today, I played good. I didn’t feel like my concentration was good and I lost a couple of easy balls from going in and out a little bit.
“But I am resigned to the fact that it will be like this for a while and I have to live with it until I fix things.
“In snooker there are so many ups and downs at the best of times, if you’re not in a good frame of mind, those ups and downs can trigger other emotions that can be difficult.
“So overall I’m putting snooker second in priority, focusing on myself, keep playing while trying to enjoy it if I can, and if I lose I realize it’s not the end of the world.
“For years I have been going out and playing and keeping everything inside and only my wife Vicky and my close family and friends really knew how things were.
“And now I have someone that when they ask ‘Are you feeling okay?’ Whereas you normally just say ‘I’m okay’, I can say ‘Well, I’m actually not feeling okay today.’ So I can’t hide behind the mask and be myself. I hope I can improve, and if speaking up helps others deal with things, then that’s good too.
“There may be many people out there who no one knows are suffering but are afraid to ask for help. You may feel like you’d be a failure if you admit it, that’s how I felt.
“And men can be worse, wanting to be strong and tough, not crying, or this and that, which can be very damaging and wrong. I don’t feel better at the moment, but I’ve started.
“It was certainly a big decision whether to continue playing while getting help or to take a break from snooker altogether. I have been talking to a specialist since the Masters, and have had two sessions so far and one later today on Zoom.
“He has asked me a lot of questions and I told him that ideally I would continue as long as I get the help, that is how we are going at the moment.
“And at any point, if I feel like it’s getting too much, I’ll step back and take a break from the game to fix myself. But for now, with the help, I keep going. It’s a couple of tournaments since I made that decision, with the Shootout and now the German Masters.
“But to be honest, I feel like just coming out and talking about things was half the battle won after putting up with things for so long. And now I feel like I have someone to turn to who is an expert in the field, who understands what I’m going through. But I know that it is not something that is going to be fixed overnight.
“It is good that we were able to come here to Berlin and Germany after two years without traveling abroad. It’s a great tournament and I love Germany as a country.
“And it would have been a real shame to have had to play this event again in Milton Keynes in front of nobody. The Tempodrom is a great place with wonderful crowds.
“Ultimately, I have to put myself first for a while, and if I hadn’t talked to the doctor before the Shootout in my hometown, I probably wouldn’t have even played in that or this. But we were able to come up with a plan one step at a time. I still love the game and want to play it, ideally.
“But snooker is such a tough sport, and tough enough at best, that mentally you have to be in the right place. If you’re not, you’ll get found out because that’s an important part.
“So I have to listen to what they tell me and accept everything. And to be honest, pool isn’t really the reason I’m where I am. I can accept losing pool games, you’re going to get that. It’s more my past experiences, my education, all that stuff that I haven’t really let out.
“Although I cried after my father’s death when I was still very young, I think I suppressed everything.
“I felt like I couldn’t talk about it without getting emotional or turning it into something negative, instead of remembering it in a very positive way. That’s something we’re working on.”
