How many people do you know who have set a goal to get fit, eat right, or lose weight… but fail? We all know someone, and chances are we’ve been that person ourselves at some point.
Many of us want better health and wellness, so we can feel good in and with our bodies.
This is why health and wellness top the charts when it comes to New Year’s resolutions, birthday resolutions, anniversary resolutions… pretty much any resolution you can think of starts with these! In 2022, the 3 best resolutions were to exercise more, eat healthier and lose weight.
However, only a minority achieve their goals. Many people give up on their resolutions within a month. and most never see through.
What if the reason it’s so hard to reach our own health goals had nothing to do with personal failure, and more to do with the goals themselves?
Maybe you they were never the problem.
In nearly a decade of coaching, I’ve noticed 3 big mistakes people make when setting goals, including self-care goals. Mistakes that lead people to self-sabotage… and failure.
Here are 3 things that people who are happy on their fitness journeys do differently:
1. They understand that success cannot be tied to a specific goal.
The first big mistake is turning your goal into a result you want to achieve.
For example, “I want to lose [insert number of] pounds,” “I want to put those skinny jeans in the back of my closet,” or “I want to be able to keep up with my kids.”
That makes sense, right? Isn’t the goal of goals to get the result you want?
But, when you do a specific result or goal, you set yourself up for failure.
First of all, by associating your success with the result, you won’t feel the success until the end of your journey, until you lose that weight or can wear those jeans.
You’re doing all the hard work to get there, without one of your most powerful sources of motivation: the sense of accomplishment.
Second, every time you check your progress, you haven’t arrived yet. This keeps your focus on how you are not fit enough yet or still too overweight. So you’re trying to force yourself to do all this work from a place where you’re “not good enough.”
Is it any wonder that you fight to stay motivated?
Third, focusing on a specific result can prevent you from seeing other ways to achieve what you really want.
Imagine someone who wants to exercise more, so they make it a goal to hit the gym three times a week.
If something happens that prevents them from going to the gym, the goal becomes unattainable. All of your many other opportunities for healthy movement and exercise are shut down by focusing on the specific result of going to the gym.
2. They take realistic steps.
When you set goals, you often want to see results, fast.
So try to immediately jump into the big action. Perhaps following the example of someone who has been focused on this type of goal for a while.
When you feel too difficult or procrastinate, you think it’s because you don’t have enough willpower…which is just not right!
When you make lifestyle changes that consume energy, your brain, which has evolved to conserve energy, automatically resists. Very few people who take big steps toward their goals are successful in the long run.
3. They celebrate their victories and let go of what others would call “failures.”
Many people feel uncomfortable asking others for help with their health or personal care goals. Maybe you feel self-conscious. You don’t want to impose yourself on others. Or do you think you should have the “hutzpah” and willpower to achieve the goal yourself.
Whatever the reason, it is much more difficult to achieve lasting change without the support of another person.
Your mind, that inner voice that most of us have, can be really cunning. It constantly distracts you and gives you all sorts of reasons and excuses not to move on.
Your existing routines and habits create an inertia that is hard to resist.
Also, most people have a strong tendency to focus on the negativesinstead of celebrating their victories, which undermines their self-confidence.
No matter how many good self-care decisions you make throughout the day, you’ll focus on that one little slip (the cookie you had with your coffee or the piece of chocolate you had after dinner) and berate yourself for being less than Perfect.
Make that outside support essential for you to stay motivated and persevere.
Three ways to start on this happier, more balanced path to better health
1. Replace outcome goals with “identity goals.”
Instead of tying your success to an outcome, make it your goal to become the kind of person who naturally experiences that outcome. in his book “Atomic Habits”James Clear calls this an “identity goal.”
When you practice the perspectives, and make the decisions, of the person who already enjoys the wellness you desire, the desired outcome unfolds more easily.
Imagine that you are in a restaurant and you are faced with a choice: the salad or the fries.
You already know that the healthy option is salad. You can choose the perspective, “I’m trying to lose weight, so I’ll eat the salad.” Or you can choose: “I always make healthy choices, so I choose the salad.”
When you identify yourself as someone who makes healthy choices — the second option — choosing the salad becomes a natural part of who you are. There is no need to strain or push against yourself.
Identity goals also allow you to experience that satisfying feeling of success every day. Every time you make a decision that is consistent with your new identity, for example choosing the salad, you are achieving your goal.
By giving yourself plenty of daily opportunities to acknowledge your success, you’re creating more momentum toward what you want.
Your first step is to ask yourself about the type of person who already enjoys the health and wellness you desire. How does that person think? What decisions do they make in their daily life?
Set a goal to start practicing those thoughts and choices. You will manifest the health you desire more naturally and with greater ease.
2. Start with super small changes.
The secret to creating lasting change is to create habits. And the secret to building habits is to start small, and I mean really small. Start with a new option that’s so small that it’s easy to do every day, no matter what.
The secret to lasting wellness is creating habits that support your wellness. When healthy choices are a habit, there is no need for willpower: the choice feels “automatic.”
Research confirms that the smaller the change and the more often you practice it, the more quickly it becomes a habit. For example, choosing to drink water instead of juice or a soft drink can start to become automatic in just 3 weeks.
3. Create a support system for yourself.
Support yourself by observing and celebrating every time you make a healthy choice, no matter how small.
This will reinforce your new identity as a healthy person in your mind and help you feel more motivated to keep making healthy choices.
I also recommend signing up a responsible friend, family member or partner to help you stay on track. Share your progress toward your goals, once a week, with a supportive friend. It has been shown to significantly increase your success rate.
One last thing, it is normal and natural for humans to “get off the bandwagon” from time to time.
Whenever you fall back into old patterns, remember that it is just part of the normal process of change.
Be patient with yourself, let those moments pass, and keep taking small steps toward lasting health and wellness.
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Anna McKinlay is a lifestyle and wellness coach, passionate about helping people enjoy greater well-being, happiness, and fulfillment. For more information visit ana’s website either send you an email.
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