Nine years later, Kraken defender Haydn Fleury is still struggling for words about his teenage friend’s suicide.
He had last seen Kale Williams a few days earlier, playing a board game called Crokinole with him the night before Fleury’s Red Deer Rebels youth team embarked on a road trip. Afterwards, Fleury was having dinner at a family friend’s house on February 10, 2013, when his Rebels coach, Brent Sutter, called to tell Fleury that Kale had taken his own life.
“Honestly, I didn’t know how to process it,” Fleury said, trying to find the words. “I was instantly in shock. To be honest, talking about it now, it’s still hard to put into words what I felt at the time other than being completely shocked and thinking it wasn’t real.”
She broke down at Williams’ funeral upon seeing a photo of him riding in a blue car as a child, realizing she would never see him again. Guilt soon followed, wondering why she hadn’t seen the signs. For a 16-year-old from a small town in Saskatchewan living far from home in Alberta, it was all a bit overwhelming.
“You’re really confused at first,” he said. “You wonder ‘How?’ and because?’ and all these other things. And, ‘What could I have done?’ “
And that’s why, as difficult as it is to talk about it, Fleury doesn’t mind speaking openly about her friend as part of a broader NHL effort to raise awareness of mental health.
Kraken’s Saturday night game against the Los Angeles Kings at Climate Pledge Arena is part of Hockey Talks Mental Health Awareness, an annual league initiative run by various clubs. The Kraken and sponsor Premera will distribute 18,000 in-game team flags, 80% teal and 20% white to indicate how one in five Americans struggle with mental health issues.
Premera will also launch a campaign this month featuring videos from Fleury and Kraken teammates Riley Sheahan, Brandon Tanev and Chris Driedger discussing mental health issues and how to seek help. Fans are encouraged to share messages of support on social media using the hashtag #HockeyTalks to share on the Kraken and Premera channels.
Sheahan’s video arguing your mental health journey will be shown on the double scoreboards at the Climate Pledge Arena during Saturday’s game, after which fans holding white Kraken flags will be asked to wave them.
As a minor league player in the Detroit Red Wings system a decade ago, Sheahan was arrested for drunk driving in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Soon after, he fell into a depression that risked derailing his career until he sought help.
Now hosting a “Speak Your Mind” mental health podcast, she says seeking help is crucial today during the COVID-19 pandemic. He added that a constant barrage of social media and advertising algorithms makes everyone’s existence more difficult.
“I think sometimes we pick up so many habits that it’s hard to think for yourself and think normally,” Sheahan said. “We are always comparing ourselves to other people on Instagram or whatever.
“I just think there’s a lot more stress and a lot more competition in the world right now. In terms of how much money you make and the way you look and all these materialistic things. I just think those are things that can get people stuck.”
Fleury still texts her late friend’s parents every anniversary of his death.
He sports a tattoo on his left arm made three years after Williams’ death. He has four cards, two of them with the initials “K” and “W” of his late friend along with a two of hearts and a 10 of spades for the day of his death.
Two dice below the cards show a “4” and a “6”, representing Williams’ favorite number 46 uniform worn by Colin Fraser, his favorite Red Deer player. Fleury recently sent Williams’ parents a Kraken jersey with the number 46 and their son’s name on it as well.
Williams was not a hockey player and had a neuromuscular disorder called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease that affected his nerves and limbs.
His stepfather was a longtime Rebels employee, and Williams, the same age as Fleury, hung out with the team and attended parties with them.
“He was a great dancer,” Fleury said. “I couldn’t dance, but he was always dancing or doing something.”
Fleury met Williams through a mutual friend, and they and two others formed a tight-knit circle.
Blackjack was one of the many games that Fleury, Williams and three Rebels teammates used to play in their group, hence the card-themed tattoo.
“We hung out basically almost every day,” Fleury said. “We play board games. We did everything you can think of.”
That’s why he and others in his group were so devastated. The team got them advice, but Fleury said it was his coach, Sutter, a former player from a family of hockey players who had six brothers in the NHL, who really made the difference.
“I think he realized how drastic of a situation we were going through, so that was really good,” Fleury said. “He helped me and my three teammates through the whole process.”
That’s why Fleury, like Sheahan, feels it’s important to use his hockey platform to spread the word about the benefits of seeking help. In the years that followed, Fleury realized that his friend was probably struggling with his own internal mental health struggle that ultimately prevailed.
“I think I’m very self-aware now about how I feel or how my loved ones feel,” Fleury said. “That has been the most important thing. That I can be there if anyone is ever in a situation like that or needs someone to talk to.”
