meIf there’s one thing that mimics the Greek mythological creature known as “Hydra,” it’s diet culture: every time a brave hero lops off a head, many grow back in its place. For people trying to improve their relationships with their bodies and food, it can feel like a Sisyphean struggle to push against social norms that want you to look a certain way, weigh a certain amount, and internalize any number of moral attitudes or beliefs. about food. . It’s hard to wade through the information waters online, but some tips from ED dietitians for talking to kids about food might be a good starting point.
Fostering a positive and beneficial relationship with both food and your body isn’t easy in a world of face filters, cosmetic surgery trends, and the sneaky way diet culture can morph and alter into seemingly positive new trends with every passing moment. passing year. And yet, despite what the multi-billion dollar diet industry would have you believe, absolutely it is a way to foster a beautiful, stable and sustainable relationship with food and your body. It is absolutely possible, only sometimes it is not so easy.
Why is it important to stay on top of our food messages?
One of the best ways to foster and cultivate positive values around food and body image is to start early. This is because many people end up having a harder time with these topics, specifically because of the messages they were taught as children about these things. Sometimes, however, it can be useful to have the opportunity to analyze why Certain claims about food are not helpful when it comes to promoting a healthy relationship with food and cooking.
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The thing about diet culture is that no one is inherently immune to it. Some people may deliver unhelpful messages about food in an attempt to educate their children about nutrition.
A registered emergency dietitian shares tips for talking to kids about food
To that end, we turned to an expert who specializes in this exact topic—that is, talking to children about eating in a way that promotes a positive relationship with their body and with food— to break down some common statements about food and why I would never say them to children. Here, Rachel Larkey, MS, RD, CDN, CLC, A registered dietitian who focuses on eating disorders (serving as a dietary manager for an inpatient eating disorder program in Bellevue, WA) shares what messages to avoid at all costs.
1. “(Insert food) is so bad for you.”
“When we place a moral value on food, we lose sight of the many reasons we eat (nutrition, culture, celebration, comfort, taste, pleasure, etc.) and the many wonderful things that food does for us, even when it is not. doesn’t fit the social definition of ‘healthy,’ which is often based on a reductionist, whitewashed version of nutritional science anyway,” says Larkey. “This message sets the stage for kids to believe that food is inherently ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ which may be the first step in making themselves feel ‘good’ or ‘bad’ about eating a specific food.
One way to rephrase this would be to simply offer other options. If your child orders a cupcake for breakfast and you really wish he didn’t have a 10am sugar crash, try, “There’s no cupcake on the menu today. What would you like about these other options?” (You can then list several things you’d like them to try.) If your child asks if a food is “good” or “bad,” this is a good time to talk about the many reasons we eat foods outside of nutrition and how foods are neutral, adds Larkey.
2. “You’re gaining weight/You shouldn’t eat that; you’re getting big.”
Aside from the relatively obvious implications this might have, it’s worth pointing out because people say this to children, teens, and other adults. “When we tell kids that we’re watching their bodies, especially in the context of what they eat, we send them the message that a) being in a bigger body is wrong, and b) food and their food choices are the reason your body is changing, and c) that weight gain is bad and should be avoided,” says Larkey.
In her practice, Larkey explains that people who have grown up hearing comments about changes in their bodies often feel self-conscious about their bodies, feel ashamed or fearful of gaining weight, and restrict many foods to maintain a certain size. (even to the detriment of your health)and sometimes they develop eating disorders. In considering how to rephrase this sentiment, Larkey offers no other choice because it’s best not to comment negatively on someone’s weight.
3. “You are so beautiful/beautiful/pretty!” (no further praise)
While appearance-based compliments are fine when used in moderation, Larkey explains that it’s all too common for children who are assigned female at birth to receive compliments that are overwhelmingly about their physical appearance or beauty for on top of his other attributes. She adds that this may tell them that their value is based on their appearance or their ability to fit within a narrow margin of what society considers “beautiful,” which generally includes being small and thin.
“I have had many patients who have received compliments throughout their lives for their beauty and slimness. If and when their bodies change, this can cause serious distress – it’s hard to figure out where their self-esteem is if it’s just been tied to your appearance,” says Larkey. “This can contribute to the development of an eating disorder or feelings of low self-esteem.”
Compliments that are not based on appearance can foster a sense of self-esteem and self-worth that is not rooted in one’s appearance. Praises like this can be anything related to skills, intelligence, tenacity, bravery, problem solving, humor, and strength.
4. “You have to clean your plate before you can get up from the table.”
“Children are born naturally intuitive eaters. They usually listen to their bodily signals for hunger, fullness, and comfort quite well,” says Larkey. “When we push children to finish all the food on their plate despite being full, we can send the message that they should ignore their hunger and fullness signals, and it further disconnects them from their body.”
Larkey explains that when she sees clients who have been told this, they often struggle with guilt about wasting food, eating beyond fullness, and guilt about overeating as well. “Sometimes this can cause compensatory behaviors like purging, excessive exercise, or restraint to ‘compensate’ for eating too much,” says Larkey.
According to Larkey, encouraging children to connect and stay connected to their body’s signals is a great alternative to this. When a child wants to get up from the table without eating or without eating everything on her plate, it can be for many reasons. Ask them to pause and reflect with questions like “What are you feeling right now?” or “How does your body tell you that you are full?” It’s a great way to encourage reflection and listen to her body’s signals, she says.
5. “Are you sure you want to eat that/more?”
“The wording of this tells kids that it’s a bad thing to take more of something or eat a specific type of food,” says Larkey. “It adds to the idea that certain foods are good or bad, and that there is a specific portion that they ‘should’ eat.” In fact, she says that the amount (and type) of food we need differs not only from person to person, but even within the same person from day to day.
This feeling can make people afraid to eat in front of others and isolate themselves during meals to avoid being judged, explains Larkey. It can also lead to a negative association with wanting to repeat, even if they are hungry, and this can lead to restrictions or feelings of guilt and shame when they take or want more food.
“There is no ideal reframing for this feeling,” says Larkey. “Instead, you can trust that your children’s bodies can tell them how much to eat.” She recommends that you provide the foods that she expects them to have if you can, and let them choose what they will eat and how much. If you’re not sure how to encourage intuitive eating in children, that’s definitely fine, but there are some helpful resources with more information, like Ellyn Satter’s. guide for parents and children.
6. Any negative comments about your own body.
“Last but not least, kids are like sponges,” says Larkey. “Very often, parents are their children’s heroes and best friends. Their body is the home of their favorite person, and it’s distressing for them to hear that they hate it. They always listen to what we say and emulate it. If they listen to us saying, ‘wow, my stomach looks horrible’ or ‘god I’m getting so fat’, teaches them to hate their bodies, to hate or fear fatness in general, and tells them that there are ‘good’ bodies, there are ‘bad’ bodies, and that they should carefully scrutinize their own bodies.
This is one of the most common things Larkey says he hears from clients. “It’s normal: We’re all people who grew up in a society that has rigid beauty standards, so it makes sense that we unconsciously say things about our own bodies based on what we’ve learned,” she says.
What to remember about these dietary tips for children
Many of Larkey’s clients learned at a young age that their bodies were “wrong” by watching their parents take them apart. “This is especially true for my clients who have larger bodies than their parents; hearing this comment can lead to thoughts like ‘Well, if they hate their body because of its size and I’m bigger, I should definitely hate mine. ‘” Larkey says.
Larkey recommends trapping yourself, if you can, and redirecting yourself. For example, you could say, “I realized I just made a really mean comment about myself and that’s not right. All bodies are great and I’m practicing loving mine more. Next time I’m going to say: ____.”
“‘You can also try saying nice things about your body, like ‘I’m so glad my strong legs take me to so many fun places with you!'” adds Larkey.
Parenting is unique, challenging, messy, exhausting, and personal. Larkey emphasizes that you are not a bad parent if you have said any or all of these things to your children. Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have, and sometimes those are things that we inherit from our parents or grandparents. Larkey emphasizes that it’s never too late to start teaching children about food neutrality and body diversity. There’s a lot of shame in the world of parenting, but you’re doing a great job of just trying to learn more, and these tips from dietitians for kids can help you along the way.
