Stress is a natural response to uncertainty, and it’s normal to worry about future events from time to time.
But excessive thoughts about the future can be a sign of anticipatory anxiety, a fear of unpredictable future events, which is sometimes a symptom of anxiety disorders. This is something I see often in my patients. If left untreated, Severe anxiety can cause difficulty sleeping, headaches, chronic pain and depression.
Even as a psychotherapist helping others cope with stress, I have found myself in a cycle of unproductive worry. Here are three strategies I use every day to face or stop obsessing about the future:
1. Answer “What if…?”
When my brain starts to crash at its worst, my first instinct is to immediately close the door on my thoughts because they seem too scary or overwhelming.
But this only gives those fearful thoughts more power over me. Bring your scary thoughts to light by asking yourself questions about them.
For example, instead of thinking: I was wrong at work. My boss is furious. What happens if I lose my job? — then, stopping there and sitting in a panic, pluck up the courage to move on.
Your thought process might be: Well, what if I lose my job? What will happen next? Am I happy in my current role? Should I take some time to figure out what I want to do next? Do I want to work at a place that fires me because of a mistake? What steps can I take right now to try to get out of this?
Answer these questions realistically. Reality is almost always less frightening than a sinister, unopened thought sitting in a dark corner of your mind. Plus, you might be surprised at the possibilities that come to mind.
2. Focus on what you can control
When I’m feeling incredibly anxious about something, it’s easy to go into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode. My brain is not capable of thinking logically. He can only act in a way that he thinks will help me survive, which could include trying to control the future.
At the start of the pandemic, for example, I found myself thinking about the virus on a global scale, worrying about the progress of the vaccine, or constantly checking the news to try to predict what would happen next.
But that wasn’t making me productive. It was only when I changed my perspective to focus on what was in my immediate control that I was able to feel less anxious and think more clearly.
I began to focus on things like washing my hands, maintaining six feet of distance between myself and others, strategically timing my trips to the grocery store, and creatively preparing meals to minimize shopping trips.
When your thoughts drift to the next month or year, actively bring yourself back to the present and focus on what you can do today, tomorrow, or just this week.
3. Look for evidence
I used to think my thoughts were facts.
For example, if I feel like someone is mad at me, then I stop trying to communicate with them. I would think we were no longer friends. But eventually, I learned to consider alternatives and use evidence to strengthen or refute my internal narrative.
Now when I think someone is upset with me, I look for evidence: What are some of their behaviors that support how I feel? Has anything recently changed in the way they interact with me? Is it possible that they are just worried about other things that have nothing to do with me? How’s work going? How is your family?
The idea is not to write a new narrative or make assumptions. Instead, you need to remind yourself that we often don’t have the full story about a situation and that obsessing over anything without facts or evidence can lead to false conclusions.
Maybe my friend isn’t mad at me, but if I respond like I am and act distant or defensive, then they’ll stop interacting with me as much, too. As a result, I have created the future I was trying to avoid.
Jenny MaenpaaLCSW, EdM, is a psychotherapist and founder of ahead in heelsan intersectional feminist group therapy practice in New York that empowers women to stand tall and own their worth.
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