The “RuPaul’s Drag Race” alumna and recording artist reveals how learning to love herself was the key to living her happiest, healthiest life.
monique heart wears many hats. She is an internationally known drag queen who rose to fame on “RuPaul’s Drag Race” and “RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars”, a recording artist and owner of her own eponymous beauty brand, MoBeauty.
Despite the glitz and glamor of all this success and the platform and visibility it brings, she says it can be difficult to challenge some of the entrenched, often toxic, “mainstream” beauty norms and standards that society presents to her. .
Heart remembers growing up as a ’90s kid, looking at those Abercrombie & Fitch ads of skinny, white models staring back at her. On television, actors like Pamela Anderson and her co-stars on shows like “Baywatch” were some of the only, and very pervasive, examples of a specific type of filtered sexuality that she Heart said she didn’t feel connected to or represented.
The way that pop culture and media-driven beauty norms can affect mental health and a sense of belonging in the world has been on Heart’s mind a lot lately.
She was recently a featured speaker during New York Advertising Week as part of Healthline’s panel on “The beauty of intersectionality.”
After the panel, Heart sat down with Healthline to talk about how sometimes when you’re faced with a lack of representation, you have to “become your own role model.”
“You look at yourself, and you don’t break down. You say, ‘You’re beautiful, you’re great, you’re so smart, you’re so strong, you’re resilient,’” Heart said.
Self-affirming statements like these can go a long way toward protecting mental health from society’s narrow view of “beauty,” Heart advised. She said it’s the same advice she wishes she could give her younger self too.
Heart said that no matter who you are, it can be hard to deal with a constant stream of messages that you might not be enough. You can fill in the blank yourself for what that might mean: your skin, your body type, your hair, your voice, you name it.
“Most people wake up in the morning, look at their phones, and are already seeing images. [on] Instagram, Twitter of what beauty is ‘supposed’ to be, be it through the influencer or the brand”, she explained. “So, you look at your face, you walk out of the house and you keep seeing ads, ads, ads. You go to work, and it’s announcements, announcements, announcements. You’re surrounded.
Heart said it’s almost impossible not to start comparing yourself to these images and thinking, “East It is what is wanted, this is what is wanted, because if it were not so, you would see the opposite”.
It is everyone’s problem, but especially people who are part of marginalized communities.
Heart said that for queer people and people of color, it’s a hurdle to overcome every day. For anyone who doesn’t fit into the easily categorized boxes set by advertising, social media, film, and television, you may have to go out of your way to find representation that will make you feel seen.
Heart remembers working at the mall as a “girly black girl.” The feeling of being less than that was hard to shake, Heart said, since there was not a single black face in those ads. If there were, that model or actor would be sandwiched between thin white bodies.
“I would go to the store and my body didn’t look like this, my hair didn’t look like this, my skin didn’t look like this. A lot of these things start to weigh you down,” Heart recalled. “Also, there was the fact that I was queer, and that was not being celebrated; It was a lot in my feelings. I gained weight, and then there’s the way plus-size people are viewed in today’s society. It knocks you down over and over and over again.”
But some examples offered positive reinforcement.
“I think being a little black girl, but also one who has vitiligo, which is a skin discoloration disorder where the pigmentation starts fighting itself, so [I had this] very stained forehead during the ’90s, where all this beauty affirmation wasn’t there for me,” Heart said.
“My mother was the one who really helped bring me to life, because she was a beautiful dark-haired woman, and even today, dark-haired women are not celebrated; they are celebrated for being so dark but not for being beautiful.
“I will never forget that there was a Revlon campaign. I was a little kid. My mom walked into the living room and I was like, ‘This is my girlfriend, that was my girlfriend,’ this and that. ‘She’s pretty, she’s pretty,’ and my mom slid my finger over to the dark-skinned woman and she said, ‘She’s pretty too,’” Heart said.
Heart said it can be hard to push back on some of these messages. She was fortunate that her mother was there to provide a role model of celebrating her own unique beauty, embracing her, being proud of her, and feeling affirmed by her.
But he said he knows that not everyone has that kind of support, either in their families or in the communities around them.
When asked exactly how media beauty standards can affect mental health, heather zaydeLCSW, a Brooklyn-based clinical social worker and psychotherapist, said it often comes from who is crafting the message.
“Modern beauty standards are often based on a Westernized, Eurocentric version of what beauty is, which means fair skin, being tall and thin, high cheekbones, a small nose, etc. These beauty ideals stem from colonizing forces, as many non-whites and European countries do not value the same things. This can cause a lot of internalized hatred of one’s body and appearance when a person doesn’t fit into these very narrow ideals,” Zayde, who is not affiliated with any of Heart’s projects, told Healthline.
Zayde said an entire industry has been put in place to enforce these entrenched standards.
“Millions of dollars a year are spent on weight-loss diets and beauty products intended to alter people’s appearance to conform to a standardized norm. Feeling like you don’t fit in can lead to depression and anxiety. These western ideals also lead people to fatphobia, racism, colorism, ageism and disability,” Zayde explained.
“This can also affect the LGBT+ community in terms of westernized beauty that often comes from a straight, white male gaze that leaves no room for those who deviate from those norms,” she added.
Heart takes her mother’s lessons, well, seriously. She said that you have to “become your own role model” if you feel like there is no one to speak for you and a your.
“You have to see the vision and see where you want to end up,” Heart added. “I see myself complete, happy, loved, complete, beautiful, desired and affirmed, all these things.”
If all these toxic images are constantly around us, how do we reject their negative influence?
“Some of the strategies I recommend are to ask yourself: does this standard of beauty come from within or is it something I was taught many, many times in my life through advertising, movies, and magazines? Do I see myself and others through this standard, and if so, how can I see people differently and in a more open and welcoming way? When I look around the world, how many people really fit the ‘ideal’ beauty standard? Zaide said.
You can also counterattack with your wallet.
You don’t have to buy something or buy a brand that makes you question your own worth.
“If you’re tempted to buy a product, ask yourself if it’s because the product will make you feel good (like a luxurious skin cream) rather than ‘Will this just make me fit more into a perceived ideal and maybe do me a disservice?’ Zayde explained. “When considering an eating plan, ‘Will this make me feel healthy and nourished and allow me to eat treats, or is the goal just to shrink me down to as small as I can be?'”
When it comes to the television, you can also turn it off.
“If you notice that watching particular shows that value these beauty standards makes you feel bad about yourself, take a break and try not to compare yourself to others,” Zayde said.
Heart stressed that all of this can be easier said than done, especially in the modern age of social media.
“We live in a ‘you’re missing out’ FOMO culture,” he said. “I think you can step back and take a break, even if it’s only for 2 hours. [away] social media and go do something productive, constructive. Something that fills me up instead of draining me or absorbing my time.”
“I think you have to step back and expose yourself, expose yourself to the world,” Heart added.
That doesn’t necessarily mean negative messages about beauty will go away. But at least you don’t constantly absorb them and let them affect you.
Reflecting on beauty messaging from the past, Heart said many of today’s brands are actively saying, “We need a black, we need a female, we need a trans, we need to make sure we get to our boxes, that we can target.”
While those boxes are checked, Heart said the primary market these companies are trying to engage is still, in many ways, “primary” white middle-class Americans.
Heart uses the example of “The Bachelor” and how often more diverse contestants are tokenized and not necessarily put in a position to take big steps toward greater media inclusion.
Heart said that in the athleisure area, you’ll see more “curvy girls” who aren’t just relegated to the “plus-size section” of the store. Some steps are more superficial. Brands are trying, but for many, it’s just a skin level, Heart said.
“Brands have been slowly incorporating more ages, races and body types, but the overall inclusion rate is low,” Zayde added. “I hope more brands practice inclusion and get great feedback from consumers that this is incredibly necessary. If a brand tries to get you to buy a product by making you feel bad about yourself, don’t endorse that brand.”
Today, Heart is thriving. In addition to all his entrepreneurial endeavors, he is hosting the third season of “The walk” on Amazon Prime.
Recalling where she is now and how far she’s come on her self-acceptance journey, Heart, 36, said she’d love to talk to the 12-year-old and 25-year-old versions of herself and say, “You don’t have to go through the same shit I went through.”
“I think a lot of us in our 30s are finally starting to heal and we can be okay with who we are, understanding, ‘You know what? She may not be the most popular in that group, a 10 out of 10, but in this group, she might be a 25!” she said. “You have to assert yourself and find love.”
Heart said sometimes you also have to check in with yourself and check in with the friends who are there for you. Sometimes you have to turn to your friend and say, “Girl, I’m going through it!”
By asserting yourself and seeking support from those who matter, some of those negative messages and outdated toxic beauty standards seem less monumental.
“For me, I had to learn to love and affirm myself. That’s when I started losing weight, that’s when my skin started to clear up, that’s when I took care of myself,” Heart said. “I would say it starts with you and ends with you.”
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