A new mother says she “felt nothing” when her baby was born after comparing herself to “perfect” families on Instagram which left her with postpartum depression and psychosis. Shannon Finan, 30, was excited when she found out she was pregnant but, after feeling the pressure to be the best mom on Instagram posts, she “tuned off” her baby bump.
Her mental health fell into a downward spiral and Shannon struggled to feel immediate love when her daughter, Orlagh, now one, was born in June 2023. The single mother even planned to take her own life before being admitted to Margaret Oates Mother and Baby. Unit, Nottingham.
Now Shannon feels “deserving” of her daughter and wants to normalize postpartum depression and psychosis. Shannon, a National Health Service A compassionate support worker, from Coventry, West Midlands, said: “All these posts seem perfect and you are struggling on your own.
“I remember seeing her when I had my C-section. That day was the saddest day of my life. My mind was gone. I looked at her wanting to love her but she wasn’t there. I just didn’t feel anything.”
Shannon was delighted when she fell pregnant in October 2022. She had struggled with anorexia when she was 18 and was told the impact of the eating disorder could mean she would struggle to conceive.
She said: “For me it was a miracle. I had always wanted to have a family.”
Early in her pregnancy, she began comparing herself and her family situation to other people on Instagram. She said: “I lost myself. I went into a downward spiral.
“I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen in my life. It’s horrible to say, but I blamed Orlagh for a long time. I completely disconnected from my slump.”
Six months into her pregnancy, Shannon struggled with suicidal thoughts. She said: “I wanted Orlagh to leave. I didn’t know how to deal with it.
“I felt guilty for not giving him the best mom. I cried every day and had suicidal thoughts. I remember Googling ‘how to keep the baby alive but kill myself.’
“I felt like hell. I wasn’t eating or sleeping. I was very erratic.”
Shannon’s doctors were aware of her mental state immediately and believed she had postpartum depression and postpartum psychosis, although it cannot be formally diagnosed until after birth. Her parents watched her closely and took care of her for the next three months.
She said: “I was at high risk. For the next three months, I was pregnant. A lot of people said ‘when you see Orlagh it will be so much better’.”
But when Orlagh was born via planned cesarean section, on June 2, 2023, at 1:26 p.m., weighing 7 pounds, 14 ounces, Shannon didn’t feel any better. She said: “I was drowning in sadness.
“I thought: how am I going to give all the love of two parents with my mental state? You deserve better than this. I didn’t want to die but I didn’t feel like it was good enough.”
Shannon’s mental health worsened so much that she planned to take her own life when Orlagh was just three weeks old. But, after revealing her plans to her mother, she was admitted to the Nottingham mother and baby unit, where she spent two weeks.
She said: “It was the best thing I’ve ever done. They put me back together. It saved my life. Now I know I’m good enough.”
Now Shannon is receiving counseling, taking medication, and started a podcast and social media platform to talk about what she went through.
She said: “I want to normalize this. I feel like I’ve recovered. Orlagh is my best friend. She’s my true love. She’s just like me. She’s the best baby, she’s very interactive.”
“She’s just thriving. That’s all you can want for your child.”
Shannon now tries not to get caught up in social media posts. She said: “I’m trying to be aware: not everything is what it seems on social media.
“I feel like we have a trailer of our best parts; it’s full of glamour. The disease makes you think and see things that are not true.”
He SAMARITANS Offer support in a variety of ways, including a self-help app, email support or by calling 116 123 toll-free 24 hours a day.
He National Health Service offer advice on how to access mental health support
CALM offers a free and confidential helpline 0800 58 58 58 and web chat 7 hours a day, 7 days a week for anyone who needs to talk about life’s problems.
