Perspective | Carolyn Hax: Husband says he doesn’t need exercise, regular checkups

I know he hates running, so I suggested we do other things together, like go to the gym, walk, ride a bike, rock climb, play softball, whatever. Nothing has worked. When I point out that he doesn’t really know how “healthy” he is because he never gets a physical and he adamantly refuses to do so, he says there’s no reason to go to the doctor if he’s not sick. I’m stuck as I don’t want to fight about this or be scolded, but I’m afraid he won’t be with me when we’re old. What I can do?

Except maybe step back and “wow” with me about “he says exercise is for fat people who need to lose weight.”

The part about losing weight during pregnancy is your own speculation, so I’ll leave you alone, but I have my suspicions.

I say “nothing” because you have made your point and he has “strongly” chosen his worldview over yours. Science, shine, right? He avoids doctors and preventative medicine, makes fun of exercise and insults people who practice it. That’s not just a distaste for running and broccoli. That is the visible tip of an entrenched value system.

And while I sympathize with his desire to have his company when he grows up, you can only express your preference, live by his example, invite him to join you, and carry on.

After that, it’s a roll of the dice.

And he would be anyway, even if he embraced fitness. He could still get sick or hurt, just like you.

  These 5 things are a boon for the liver, the blood will also remain clean

Also, if your response to your intransigence is to stop forcing the issue (fitness or anything else), then I hope you’ll be happier. At the very least, you’ll be much less stressed than if you kept worrying and strategizing to make him change his mind, a perfect recipe for eternal frustration.

So prepare as best you can and be as flexible as possible about the results you get. With the preparation side, you’re seemingly on your own, but the rest still applies.

Re: Stuck: Wow, Carolyn, I’m surprised by your answer. Years ago, my husband was shocked to discover through a blood test that he had heart problems that could be corrected with diet and exercise. Somehow he messed it up. I was furious and told him that I owed it to our marriage to do what was necessary to keep him for me and our children, and if he didn’t, I couldn’t stay married to him. He listened to me.

Anonymous: This is indeed an option, thank you, for someone willing to leave a partner for staying sedentary. However, her husband also seemed receptive to persuasion; there is a difference between “more or less” dismissing lab results and rejecting the whole concept of testing.

Leave a Comment